


Five Dates We've Had

by SooSooDyo (Phinphin)



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Bottom Do Kyungsoo | D.O, Chubby Soo, Communication Issues, Dates, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Trust Issues, body image issues, married au, middle aged couple, seriously kids, smut with feelings, struggling relationships, switching POV, the key to a good relationship can be as easy as expressing your thoughts and feelings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-11
Updated: 2018-08-15
Packaged: 2019-06-08 22:37:54
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 21,822
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15253584
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Phinphin/pseuds/SooSooDyo
Summary: In an effort to save their struggling marriage, Jongin and Kyungsoo decide to return to five dates they once had





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This fanfic was inspired by [this](https://twitter.com/starsooncheeks/status/993685507887566849) amazing art by the wonderful Feddi. Please give it loads of love!
> 
> Do you all remember when everyone used to write those 5 times X and one time Y? Well this is going to be laid out in kind of the same way. Half of it is already written and I plan on having the whole fic completed pretty quickly. I hope you all will enjoy it!

“I’m home!” Kyungsoo’s voice rang out in the flat and Jongin looked up from where he had been scrolling through twitter on his computer.

 

“Welcome home!” He called back, watching as his husband of ten years put down the chicken take out so he could take off his bike helmet. Jongin felt himself smile as he saw Kyungsoo’s cheeks puff up as he struggled with the clasp before it finally clicked open and he pulled the helmet off.

 

He closed his laptop and stood up, ready to take care of the takeout. It was Friday, take out day. As usual Kyungsoo had ordered two fried chicken take outs for the two of them, one parmesan garlic and one honey butter with chili, and some beers. It was their usual Friday routine and while Jongin was kind of bored of it he knew how much Kyungsoo liked it, so he didn’t say anything.

 

As he grabbed the bag he made sure to give his husband a quick kiss before turning to the kitchen, as he always did, and taking out the chicken and fixing a plate each for them to eat off of, as he always did. Meanwhile Kyungsoo pulled off his wind resistant jacket and went to change out of his shirt and pullover into a comfortable t-shirt and pyjama pants, like he always did.

 

Jongin knew this routine by heart by now. He knew the sounds of Kyungsoo huffing as he pulled off his pullover and the sigh as he discovered Jongin’s socks haphazardly left on the floor. He knew the smell of the chicken as he arranged it neatly, but not as neatly as Kyungsoo could, on the plates and carried it over to the couch. He knew the feeling of Kyungsoo sinking down next to him on the couch, opening up the beer cans and handing him one.

 

He knew it all, every movement, every sound, every sensation. It was like an old sweater, worn but full of comfort and love. He adored it with his heart and soul, every single fibre of his being. He loved Kyungsoo so much he was sometimes afraid of how strongly his heart beat for the other, but sometimes, _sometimes_ , he wondered what had happened to them. Where the excited laughs and messing around had gone? When adventures had been replaced by grocery runs? When cute messages and emails had been replaced by reminders for appointments? When the night spent fooling around and talking about their dreams and fears had been replaced for a quick routine fuck and a goodnight kiss?

 

He wondered, lately more and more often, but he didn’t dare prod at it. Just like the pulling of a loose thread could ruin the comfortable sweater Jongin feared everything would fall apart. So instead he did nothing.

 

It wasn’t like Kyungsoo felt the same. The older had always been open and told him what he felt. He had always been so honest and his honesty had rubbed off on Jongin, making him open up as well. He didn’t want to bring this doubt into their marriage when it obviously one sided. No, he needed to fix this on his own.

 

He reached for the remote, turning on Netflix and quickly resuming their latest cooking show where they had last left off. Kyungsoo made a happy noise, cuddling up into Jongin’s side. Jongin smiled, pressing his lips against his husband’s hair and inhaling the scent of his shampoo. He recognized the scent, it was Jongin’s own shampoo.

 

Suddenly he felt his heart twinge, his breathing hitching, his love for Kyungsoo welling up so sharply and violently it almost leaked out of him. He closed his eyes, staying frozen against Kyungsoo as he waited for the wave to go down, for the ache in his chest to disappear.

 

“Jongin?” Kyungsoo’s voice brought a stop to the emotions and Jongin blinked, looking down at his husband. He had a thumb print on one of the lenses of his glasses, like he always did and Jongin felt himself smile at the sight.

 

“I love you.” He said earnestly. Kyungsoo’s worried frown was replaced by a blinding smile, his cheeks bunching up in that special way only they could and almost lifting his glasses.

  
“I love you too.” He replied, reaching up to press a quick press to Jongin’s lips before reaching for a piece of chicken. Jongin did the same, the moment of doubt quickly pushed back into the corner of his mind where it could brew and fester until the next time he feared. Then it could return, stronger than ever.

 

The cooking show was as predictable as their night. Jongin couldn’t even remember if he had seen this episode before or not. They all blended together. All their evenings, all their days, all their kisses. One large blur of...love? It had to be love, right? Because he loved Kyungsoo. But did he really love this relationship. Did he love what the two of them had become.

 

The chicken quickly disappeared, as well as the four cans of beer. One episode turned into two, like it always did, and Kyungsoo grew sleepy against his side, like he always did. Jongin sighed, pulling his husband closer to himself. His hand travelled down his arm until it landed on his waist. He gave it a gentle squeeze, feeling the soft flesh with fondness.

  
Kyungsoo instantly stiffened against him. Jongin felt his chest clench again and quickly let go, instead resting his hand on Kyungsoo’s hip.

 

During the past two years Kyungsoo had grown chubby. He was still small, he always was, but his cheeks had grown fuller and his waist, hips and thighs had grown fluffy. It was natural, they were both past 35, soon closer to 40, and Jongin didn’t mind it at all. In fact, he loved the love handles. He loved the soft stomach and thighs that rubbed together cutely. He loved the roundness to his husband’s cheeks and the way his chest had grown soft. But Kyungsoo didn’t seem to like it as much. He shied away from Jongin’s touch whenever the other touched his thighs or stomach, and lately even cheeks.

 

Not wanting to make his husband uncomfortable Jongin had held himself back, limited his touches. In the beginning he had thought it was just a phase, something Kyungsoo would grow used to and then Jongin could blow strawberries into his stomach again, but like everything else in their relationship it had just kind of ended up like this. Jongin afraid to touch, guilty whenever Kyungsoo stiffened up. He wished he could talk about it, but he didn’t know how to bring it up without hurting the other’s feelings.

 

“Jongin.” Kyungsoo spoke, his voice guarded. Jongin looked down at his husband, seeing Kyungsoo’s eyes trained on the television screen. He swallowed, making a small noise to show he was listening.

 

“I think we should go to marriage counselling.”

 

* * *

 

 

Kyungsoo shifted in the dark grey armchair, feeling on edge as he looked around the brightly lit office. Jongin was in the seat next to him, looking just as uncomfortable as Kyungsoo felt. He was wearing a black pullover over his blue shirt and Kyungsoo had decided to wear a grey pullover of his own over his red striped white shirt, like an imitation of a couple’s look.

 

An imitation. Everything about them felt like an imitation nowadays. An imitation of what a happy marriage was supposed to be. An imitation of what support and security was supposed to feel like. And Kyungsoo was an imitation of the man Jongin had married.

 

Jongin, the only real thing in this relationship. He still looked as good as the day they had first met. The small changes, crow’s feet at the corner of his eyes and slight rise of his hairline, just made him look better in Kyungsoo’s eyes. He still worked out, still took care of himself.

 

Kyungsoo on the other hand, looked anything but. He had started cutting his hair short because styling it and keeping up with the undercut had been too much work. He had started wearing glasses because his eyes got too irritated by the contacts. He had gained weight and never worked out because he hated sweating and he never could find the time. He had stopped caring about fashion because when he didn’t like what he was seeing in the mirror it was no fun dressing it up.

 

The less like himself he had grown, the more he had noticed how Jongin was moving towards a place where Kyungsoo couldn’t follow, no matter how much he wanted to. He loved Jongin so much, loved him more than life itself. He would do anything for Jongin, in a heartbeat, but Jongin deserved so much more. Much more than Kyungsoo and his stupid insecurities could be.

 

So the imitation had stretched on to him as well, until he couldn’t stop pretending like everything was fine. Like they had always just stayed at home and watched boring cooking shows and made boring love and talked about boring things and laughed like they were actually bored. He missed the excitement. Their excitement. Their excitement about them.

 

The door to the small counselling room opened, a western man with curly blond hair and dimples walking in and sitting down in the chair in front of them. He looked kind and Kyungsoo felt marginally better.

 

“Welcome. My name is Doctor Kim Luis.” The man introduced himself in barely accented Korean.

 

“Doh Jongin.”

 

“Kim Kyungsoo.”

 

They introduced themselves and Kyungsoo felt the urge to add on that they were husbands, wanted to affirm that he did in fact belong to Jongin.

 

“Oh, different family names?” Their counsellor remarked and Kyungsoo looked over at Jongin, seeing the other already look at him. A smile broke out on his lips, followed by a small nervous giggle.

 

“Well we... When we got married, we couldn’t decide whose family name to take so we swapped. Mine was originally Kim and his Doh.” Jongin explained and Kyungsoo reached over to take his hand. He had always loved that decision. It made it feel like instead of just one of them belonging to the other they both belonged to each other.

 

“That’s actually really cute!” The counsellor remarked happily. “I wonder if it’s too late to suggest the same to my husband.” He mumbled as he shifted in his seat before looking over at the two of them.

  
“I’ve already talked to you Kyungsoo on the phone, but this is the first time I’m meeting you Jongin. It’s nice to meet you.” He said with a smile before looking down at his notes. Kyungsoo could feel Jongin bow quickly next to him. “Now, Kyungsoo told me that you’ve had some struggles with your relationship lately, is that correct?”

 

“Yes.” Jongin replied before Kyungsoo had the chance too and the word shot through his chest like a bullet. He looked down, biting his lip as he tried to get his breathing back under control. Was it really that bad? Had Jongin noticed it too? Of course he had, Jongin was clever, observant, he had always been. But why hadn’t he said anything?

 

“Oh, well I’m glad you’re both on the same page. Problems are easier to fix when we acknowledge they’re there.” The counsellor said with a nod before making a quick notation on his notebook.

 

“Jongin, I’ve already heard about your relationship from Kyungsoo but, I want you to tell me about it, is that okay?” He continued and Kyungsoo cast a quick look Jongin’s way. His husband nodded, lips thin in that way they got whenever he was uncomfortable but pretended not to be.

 

“Yeah, sure.” Jongin nodded again, clearing his throat. “Our relationship is good. We rarely fight. Um...we have been married for ten years now. Dating for fifteen. We met when were in university. We, uh we work well together. He’s organized and I’m not so that works out well. And he can cook but not me. But he can’t drive for the life of him but I can so that works too. And I can help him relax. So...yeah, yeah it’s good.” Jongin spoke. Kyungsoo nodded, agreeing to his words. It was almost the same as he had said. They matched so well.

 

So why was this so hard?

 

“Okay.” Doctor Kim nodded quickly, smiling encouragingly at Jongin. “What about your sex life?”

 

Kyungsoo felt himself grow red, suddenly very aware of his hold on Jongin’s hand. Next to him Jongin tensed up, a nervous giggle escaping him as he looked between Kyungsoo and the counsellor.

 

“Um, good?” He answered as if it was a question.

  
“How often do you have intercourse? If you don’t mind me asking.” The counsellor continued as if they were talking about what to have for dinner.

  
“Well...” Jongin looked down at Kyungsoo who quickly licked his lips, trying to think. It wasn’t as often as it used to be. Not because he didn’t want to do it as often as then. Jongin was hot, extremely so. He made Kyungsoo’s head swim. But...he wasn’t so sure Jongin felt the same about him.

  
“Once a week?” He suggested, looking up at Jongin who frowned, shaking his head.

 

“No, maybe every other week. A few times a month, at most...I think” He said and Doctor Kim nodded again.

  
“When was the last time you had sex?” He asked and Kyungsoo frowned, trying to think back. They had almost done it last week, but Kyungsoo had discovered his he had worn a hole in his favourite jeans and hadn’t been able to stop thinking about his large thighs. It had kind of fizzled out into just a make out session before Jongin had said he was tired and rolled over. Kyungsoo had laid awake for hours just listening to Jongin breathing and trying not to cry.

 

“Three weeks ago...I think. The beginning of the month.” Jongin replied, giving Kyungsoo’s hand a squeeze.

 

“Alright. Thank you for your honesty.” The counsellor said, nodding at them. “All of your answers are perfectly normal for a couple your age.” He reassured, making a few more notes in his notebook.

 

“What about dates? How often do you go on dates?” Doctor Kim continued, looking back up at them with a bright smile. Kyungsoo felt himself perk up a little, knowing he could answer this question with confidence.

 

“We have date nights every Friday.” He began, squeezing Jongin’s hand in return. “We get take out and watch our favourite cooking show. It’s always very lovely.” He looked up at Jongin who smiled down at him. Kyungsoo felt his heart speed up, his confidence increasing a little. This was something they both agreed on. He knew how much Jongin loved those date nights, even if Kyungsoo had kind of grown bored of them long ago. They were what they had used to do back in university whenever Jongin wanted a quiet night in for just the two of them. It was perfect. It had to be.

 

“Okay.” Doctor Kim’s eyes grew as he watched the two of them. “Every Friday?”

 

“Every Friday.” Jongin confirmed.

 

“And...do you ever switch it up?” Their counsellor asked, raising his eyebrows in question. Kyungsoo hesitantly shook his head. No, never. He didn’t dare to.

 

“Okay.” Doctor Kim nodded again, tapping his pen against his notepad. “Can I be completely honest with you two?” He asked and Kyungsoo nodded against his better judgement. Beside him Jongin made a confirming noise.

 

“It’s too early for me to say anything definitively right now, I still have to talk with you two both on your own and together many times more, but right now it feels as if what’s making you struggle is that you have both kind of lost the spark, does that feel right?” He asked.

 

“I still love Kyungsoo!” Jongin protested quickly, his hold on Kyungsoo’s hand increasing until it was almost painful. Kyungsoo felt his heart speed up at the words, ready to proclaim his own love if needed.

 

“I’m sorry.” Doctor Kim immediately bowed in apology to Jongin. “I was unclear. That is not what I meant. I meant your relationship has lost its spark. You’ve fallen too deep into routine. You do the same thing day in and day out without switching it up, without feeding into that love you two obviously feel for each other. It can make any relationship feel lifeless and loveless despite being anything but.” He explained and Kyungsoo swallowed. He couldn’t help but agree.

 

“Now, it’s of course not going to take time to fix this, but a quick and easy thing that sometimes works wonders is something as simple as going on dates. For you two, I would suggest trying to go on a date at least once a week for the following few weeks and see how it works out. And I would suggest making that date as complete as possible, including sexual activities.” He suggested and Kyungsoo blinked, feeling confused. Surely it couldn’t be as simple as that?

 

“Only that?” Jongin asked and Kyungsoo nodded. They could have used google and gotten that answer.

  
“Well, I want us to meet at least once a week as well. But for now, yes that will be your only homework.” Doctor Kim confirmed.

 

Kyungsoo looked over at Jongin, trying to gauge what the other was thinking. He was up to trying it of Jongin was. He was up to trying anything if Jongin was. Jongin looked back at him raising his eyebrows in a silent question. Kyungsoo gave a small nod that Jongin mimicked.

 

“Great!” The counsellor clapped his hands together, smiling brightly at the two of them. “Any date ideas?”

 

“Uh...” Jongin said, looking over at Kyungsoo again. Kyungsoo felt himself draw a blank. It had been so long since he was on a date he didn’t even know how to plan one anymore. What did one do on a date? Go to a fancy restaurant? Go to the movies? He didn’t know.

 

“Let me suggest this. Redo the dates you did when your relationship was new and exciting. You’ll be surprised how much a place can make you feel.” Doctor Kim said and Kyungsoo nodded. He could do that. They could do that.

 

“Okay.”

 


	2. Chapter 2

 

Kyungsoo frowned at his reflection, pulling a little at his shirt so it wasn’t tucked in so tightly. It made his muffin top show. He didn’t like that. This was a stupid idea. Couldn’t they just go to a date at some normal restaurant where he could wear his sweaters as usual and didn’t have to dress up.

 

But of course, the rules they had set up were to return to dates they had once been to. Which meant returning to the nice restaurant they had gone on multiple dates and celebrated both his and Jongin’s graduation at. Kyungsoo had to admit he had fond memories of the place. The excitement, opportunities and possibilities that had stretched out in front of them at the last time they had been there, to celebrate his employment, had been endless.

 

Now, though, Kyungsoo felt a strange dread filling him, a fear that maybe this was all the wrong decision, that it would make things worse. But at the same time, he couldn’t stop the spark of elation that burned in his chest. They hadn’t gone out for ages and quite frankly Kyungsoo was looking forward to it.

 

A wolf-whistle filled their bedroom and Kyungsoo turned around, seeing Jongin appear in the doorway. He had his own suit on, looking as handsome as any model. Kyungsoo immediately felt his heart speed up and fiddled with the buttons to his jacket.

 

“Hello there handsome.” Jongin said while looking Kyungsoo up and down. Kyungsoo shook his head, trying to shake the comment off. He didn’t feel very handsome at all, especially not compared to Jongin.

 

His husband slid up behind him, wrapping his arms around his middle and pressing a kiss to the back of Kyungsoo’s neck. Kyungsoo felt a smile break out on his lips, his own hands automatically wrapping over the back of his husband’s.

 

“You sure we don’t have time for a bite before dinner? You look like a complete snack.” Jongin mumbled against his skin. Kyungsoo felt himself frown at the odd word choice.

 

“Snack?” He asked, turning his head so he could properly look at Jongin. Jongin lifted his head, a small blush rising on his cheeks.

 

“Honestly, I don’t know. I heard Baekhyun use it about Yixing the other day and it was cute and since you’re cute I kind of thought it fit.” His husband explained sheepishly and Kyungsoo felt his smile widen. He turned around, Jongin’s arms still around his middle, and cupped his husband’s face.

 

“You’re an idiot.” He said affectionately, pressing a quick kiss to his husband’s lips. He could feel Jongin smile and something akin to butterflies fluttered around in his chest, making him feel light and airy. It had been ages since he last felt this excited about spending time with Jongin. Which was stupid, because there was nothing he loved more in this universe than spending time with Jongin. Well no, he loved Jongin more but that kind of went without saying.

 

He sighed, running his hand down his husband’s chest. His eyes trailed downwards, landing on his husband’s tie. It was tied all crookedly, the knot large and clumsy. Kyungsoo felt a smile break out on his lips, his eyebrows rising in question as he looked back up at Jongin.

 

“Do you need help?” He asked, already pulling at the knot. He knew the answer already. Jongin had never been the best at tying neckties, and because Kyungsoo was so good at it, he never bothered to learn it properly.

 

“A little.” Jongin said with a pout. Kyungsoo felt his chest swell with love as he worked on pulling the tie free, and then looping it around Jongin’s neck. As he worked, Jongin’s hands moved to his waist, steadying him.

 

Kyungsoo made quick work of the tie, tying it into a small but neat knot before tightening it and positioning it perfectly in the centre space of the collar. He let his eyes trail over his husband, giving him a once over.

 

“All set.” He said, giving Jongin’s chest a small pat. Jongin smiled and slowly bent down, pressing a kiss to his lips in thanks and sending the butterflies in his middle swarming once more.

 

“Ready?” Jongin asked as they pulled apart. The butterflies in his chest immediately withered and died as he became aware of his husband’s arms around his middle.

 

“I don’t know. Should I change? I don’t think this...” He trailed off, not really wanting to gesture towards his middle. The dress pants had been a struggle to get into and he swore that last time he wore this at Jongin’s niece’s baptism last year they hadn’t been as tight.

 

“You look perfect.” Jongin said, taking his hand and pulling him away from the mirror. Kyungsoo allowed himself to be pulled away and once he was away from the mirror he did feel a little bit better. After all, Jongin had both complimented him and touched him. It had to count for something, right?

 

They put on their shoes and jackets in silence before getting into Jongin’s car. The silence followed them all the way to the restaurant, slowly growing more and more awkward. Kyungsoo remembered when they had gone there for the very first time early on in their relationship, before it had become a place they loved and frequented, it had been just as awkward then.

 

The two of them had started out as friends before slowly realizing that they liked each other more than friends should. Making the transition from friends to boyfriends had been hard at first, because they didn’t really know how much would, and should, change. Kyungsoo had had boyfriends before but all of it was new for Jongin who, despite early on identifying as bi, hadn’t really found a boy he wanted to date before meeting Kyungsoo.

 

Right now, in the silence of their car, Kyungsoo felt even more suffocated by expectations than he did back then.

 

* * *

 

 

Jongin shifted in his chair, smiling awkwardly at the waiter as he poured Kyungsoo a small sample of wine the other could taste to see if it was what they wanted. Jongin never really understood how it worked but Kyungsoo had always had a nose, and mouth, for flavours and was usually really good picking out a wine for their food.

 

After receiving a nod in approval, the waiter poured them each a glass and left the table with a promise that their food would be with them in a moment. Jongin shifted in his seat again, looking over at his husband whose hand shook as he brought the glass of wine up to his lips.

 

When was the last time they ate out, just the two of them? Probably that time they went to that pizza place when they last moved. How long ago was that? Three years? Could it really be that long? It couldn’t be. But every other occasion Jongin could think of where they had eaten out after that it had either been with friends or company dinners.

 

He tried to think of something to say. Conversation had always flowed so easily between the two of them. That was something he had always loved about Kyungsoo. How both of them seemed to know how to talk to the other. They were two naturally quiet people yet he could talk for hours with Kyungsoo.

 

Except now he came up short of anything to talk about. What did you talk about on the date that was supposed to fix your marriage? Oh god, fixing his marriage. Just thinking about it made the anxiety well up inside of him again. Kyungsoo had, correctly, thought it was bad enough he had gotten in touch with a couple’s counsellor. What did that say about the two of them? Was there even anything to save at this point? But… he couldn’t give up on Kyungsoo. He loved the other too dearly for that.

 

“So...” He began, clearing his throat awkwardly.

 

“So...” Kyungsoo mirrored. He was sitting with his hands clasped in his lap, his back straight and his face impassive. He was nervous, and hesitant. Jongin recognized the body language as if he was fluent in it. After all, he was. They knew each other inside out, what did you talk about then?

 

But lately Jongin felt as if he barely knew Kyungsoo at all.

 

“How’s work?” He settled for, as if they didn’t work for the same company and had for the past five years. Jongin in accounting and Kyungsoo in human resources.

 

Kyungsoo blinked, eyes widening as he looked at Jongin. He seemed completely blown away by the ridiculous question. Jongin couldn’t blame him.

 

“Ah well, it’s kind of stressful right now because we need to cut down on people.” Kyungsoo said and Jongin nodded. He had been part of the team that had worked out the new budget that required them to cut down on employees.

 

“Yes. Right.” Jongin nodded, reaching for his glass of wine so he had something to do with his hands.

  
“You, how are things for you?” Kyungsoo asked after a beat of silence that lasted just slightly too long.

 

“Fine. We’re kind of between projects right now so...” He trailed off with a shrug, pulling a little at his napkin. In was one of the cloth ones, which meant Jongin couldn’t start ripping it into small pieces like he usually did whenever he was nervous.

 

“Good.” Kyungsoo commented and Jongin nodded before looking down at his lap again. The conversation couldn’t wait to die out and as soon as Jongin swallowed the painful silence stretched out between them once again.

  
Around them people were talking, laughing, seeming care free. They had also been like that once. What had happened? When had it happened? Why had they let it happen? He couldn’t answer any of those questions. All he knew was that tonight was the first time he had acknowledged the invisible barrier that had grown between the two of them. A barrier so thick that by now he didn’t know how to break through it.

 

He looked back up, ransacking his brain for anything to say. Kyungsoo also raised his head, eyes locking with Jongin’s. The same confusion and hesitance he felt was reflected in those dark orbs.

 

A giggle bubbled up in him, a nervous, ridiculous and entirely untimed one. He bit his lips, seeing Kyungsoo press his own lips together as redness rose on his cheeks, a familiar snort escaping him. The laughter grew inside of him, the absurdity of the situation fuelling it.

 

Kyungsoo bit his lip, his chubby cheeks full of laughter. Jongin’s broke free, spilling between them loudly and freely. Kyungsoo followed, happy short chuckles as they looked at each other.

 

“Why is this so awkward?” Jongin asked between giggles. Kyungsoo shook his head, eyes closed as he laughed.

  
“I don’t know.” He replied, looking back at Jongin with a bright smile.

 

“What am I even doing asking about work? That’s like the most boring subject ever?” He asked, gesturing to himself in shock. Kyungsoo let out another happy laughter. This entire situation was utterly ridiculous.

 

“I can’t think of anything to say.” Kyungsoo admitted, voice filled with nervous giggles. Jongin barked out another laugh at that, gesturing to himself.

 

“You’re not the only one.” He admitted, shaking his head in disbelief. This was so stupid. He couldn’t remember a single moment where they had ever had a conversation as stilted as the one they had just shared. Not even when they had been young and in university had things been that awkward between them.

 

Kyungsoo giggled again, hiding his face in his hands that way he did when he was embarrassed over something but couldn’t stop laughing about it. Jongin felt his heart melt, memories of Kyungsoo doing just that when Jongin had started crying as the other proposed.

 

“Remember when we proposed?” Jongin said, his filter completely gone as his chest swelled with emotions. “And I had waited for six months to ask you so I could have it fall on the day between our birthdays, and you fucking sniped me in the last second.” He said, breaking out into a new giggle. Kyungsoo barked out a laugh again.

  
“I’ll never forget the look on your face. You have never looked so conflicted in your life!” Kyungsoo laughed, head tipped back as his shoulders shook with giggles.

 

“Well, my boyfriend who I desperately wanted to marry ruined my proposal by proposing himself! How could I not be upset! The day was supposed to be me pampering you! Not the other way around!” He complained and Kyungsoo shook his head as he continued to laugh. It was a conversation they had had many times before. But now, in the moment, Jongin couldn’t think of the last time they had reminisced about it like this.

 

“It’s not my fault you were so slow! I thought you were never going to do it so I had to take matters into my own hands.” Kyungsoo defended, grinning broadly. “I had dropped hints at you for ages! It’s not my fault you’re notorious for getting cold feet.” He teased, winking at Jongin.

 

Jongin gasped, blinking at his husband.

 

“Excuse you Mr rush into decisions and think about it later. You need me to sit you down and think things through or I don’t know how many things you would have balled up just because you’re too stubborn to admit you’re wrong.” Jongin teased back, making Kyungsoo’s mouth fall open.

 

“Excuse you! Take that back!” He laughed, giving Jongin’s shin a small kick with the toe of his dress shoes.

 

“No hitting!” Jongin whined between giggles, pulling his legs back up to himself. “And if it weren’t true you wouldn’t be reacting this strongly.” He winked and Kyungsoo gasped again, sending a real kick Jongin’s way that had him wincing and pouting.

 

Kyungsoo took a decisive sip of his wine, sending Jongin a look that said, ‘ _you had it coming_ ’. Jongin couldn’t directly protest against that. Still, he made sure to amp up the pouting, pretending like the kick had hurt much more than it really had.

 

Kyungsoo tsk’ed, rolling his eyes but still Jongin felt his foot return to his leg, slowly stroking up the calf in a comforting gesture. He smiled, taking a sip of his own wine as he watched his husband’s ears turn red from his intense stare.

 

“You’re cute when you blush.” He remarked, chest full of emotions.

 

“I’m a grown man. I’m not cute.” Kyungsoo shot back and Jongin couldn’t help but laugh. That was the reply Kyungsoo had used to give him back in university. Nowadays he mostly just rolled his eyes and tried to hide a smile whenever Jongin called him cute, which made Jongin want to call him cute as often as possible.

  
“I didn’t know the two were mutually exclusive.” Jongin pointed out.

 

“The more you know.” Kyungsoo replied quickly and Jongin laughed. He had missed their banter. Kyungsoo’s tongue was a lot sharper than one would think and Jongin loved to see just how much he could rile the other up. He knew Kyungsoo liked it too, the challenging look in his eyes was a dead giveaway.

 

The rest of their dinner passed in a flash of teasing, conversation about memories, and too much dessert. They had each had a few glasses of wine to drink and as they stumbled into the taxi Jongin couldn’t help but pull Kyungsoo close and kiss him deeply, fire burning in his chest.

 

Kyungsoo kissed him back eagerly, his hand resting possessively on Jongin’s hip. The sweet taste of chocolate lava cake mixed with the tartness of raspberries lingered on Jongin’s tongue, complementing each other perfectly. Kyungsoo was making small noises against him, noises he hadn’t heard in a long time and the fire inside burned brighter, all consuming.

 

They didn’t pull apart until their driver pointedly cleared his throat and both of them realized neither had given the address. After sheepishly telling the driver where to go they broke down into giggles, holding each other’s hands tightly the whole way home.

 

Jongin pulled at Kyungsoo’s arm as the other paid the driver, eager to get inside and to the bedroom. Kyungsoo sent half-hearted glares his way as he tried to count out the proper change but Jongin didn’t care. All he cared about was how perfectly those dress pants hugged Kyungsoo’s hips and thighs. How cute Kyungsoo looked with his cheeks flushed with laughter. How sexy his plump lips looked stained red from wine. How badly he wanted to kiss him, to suck him down, to fuck him until he was whimpering and begging for release.

 

Finally, he could pull the other away. They stumbled in their haste to pull of shoes and their jackets were left carelessly on the floor. Kyungsoo would sigh at them in the morning and Jongin would dutifully pick them up but that was for later. Right now, he just wanted to have the other naked.

 

Barely separating long enough to see where they were going they made their way to the bedroom, Jongin falling backward down on the bed and pulling Kyungsoo with him, making the other giggle happily as he straddled him. Fingers fumbled as they pulled and pushed at buttons, hastily but clumsily in their tipsiness discarding shirts.

 

Jongin rolled them over, kissing Kyungsoo deeply before moving down to his neck, sucking and nipping at the junction of his neck. Kyungsoo gasped, holding on to Jongin’s shoulders as he bared his neck, his legs tangling with Jongin’s.

 

He pulled away, looking down at Kyungsoo. The other’s usually neatly styled hair was a mess and his lips were wet and glistening with saliva. He was beautiful.

 

“Do you wanna?” He asked, his voice gruff. He cleared his throat, not really sure how to proceed.

 

Kyungsoo raised his eyebrows, silently asking Jongin what he meant. Jongin licked his lips.

 

“Like...you know, finish the date?” He tried to clarify. Why was this suddenly so hard? He can’t remember asking like this before. But then again things usually didn’t go down like this. Even their sex life had become routine. After they had finished their late night reading they would either kiss each other and roll over or kiss each other and progress into something more. The silent question was always there in the kiss.

 

“Oh!” Kyungsoo’s already wide eyes widened even more as he realized what Jongin was asking. “Oh yeah sure. I mean if you want to.” He said with a small nod.

 

Jongin nodded in return. If Jongin wanted to. Did that mean Kyungsoo didn’t really want to? It almost sounded like that. He didn’t want to push the other into something he wasn’t comfortable with. Especially when Kyungsoo still seemed almost uncomfortable with him touching certain areas of the other.

 

“I mean, I’m fine either way.” Jongin said, waiting for any indication for what Kyungsoo wanted to do.

 

“Yeah, yeah me too.” Kyungsoo said with another nod, swallowing.

 

Jongin bit his lip, feeling torn. The comfortable mood that had followed them through their dinner was quickly slipping away from them. The invisible wall slowly solidifying. Jongin wanted to keep it away, but he didn’t want to do it at the expense of Kyungsoo’s comfort.

 

“So...uh.” Jongin swallowed, looking away from Kyungsoo. He could feel the other do the same underneath him. Suddenly the heat burning in his chest fizzled out. The date hadn’t changed anything. They were just as awkward with each other as before. He should have known better. “It’s kinda late.” He said

 

“Yeah, yeah.” Kyungsoo agreed, starting to look uncomfortable under Jongin. “We should go to bed.”

 

Jongin nodded, standing up. The moment he did Kyungsoo made a beeline towards their wardrobe, pulling on a large, oversized shirt before shimmying out of his dress pants and into a pair of comfortable sweatpants. Jongin felt his heart clench. In one way he was happy he hadn’t pressured Kyungsoo into doing something he obviously didn’t want to, but one part of him couldn’t help blaming himself for this.

 

Maybe he was going about this all the wrong way. Maybe he was just supposed to go for it, help Kyungsoo push through the wall in his mind that his body was something to be ashamed of. But that meant acknowledging that he had seen Kyungsoo trying to hide the way his stomach folded when he bent over, or the way his thighs and butt jiggled when he walked. And he wasn’t sure the other wanted that.

 

If Kyungsoo could just talk to him, tell him what he was thinking so Jongin could know what he was supposed to do. If Jongin could just talk to him. But there was an equally as stubborn wall in his own mind that stopped him from it. He didn’t want to bring up something that wasn’t a problem. He didn’t want to create more trouble than they already had. Maybe, later, when this was all fixed he could ask Kyungsoo about it.

 

Later...tomorrow...another day...another lifetime where their relationship was perfect and Jongin didn’t feel like he was playing a role he hadn’t auditioned for.

 


	3. Chapter 3

 

Jongin didn’t particularly believe in faith. He believed that everyone had the ability to affect where they wanted to go in life, at least to some degree. But when he saw that they were doing a rerun of Billy Elliot at their local movie theatre Jongin couldn’t help but wonder if maybe faith had had a hand in it all.

 

The movie was one of their favourites, one they had spent nights discussing. It had been the first movie they had gone out to see after they had officially become a pair, neither of them knowing how much the other liked it. In fact, they both loved it, loved the inspirational tale of going against the expectations society had put on you, of shaping your own future and taking your life and future into your own hands.

 

And maybe that message was just one they needed right now, when things felt bleak. Their first date had been...not a failure, but it hadn’t changed anything. The invisible wall between them was still there, as strong as always. Less transparent than it used to be. A thorn in both of their sides that neither of them really dared to pick at. It hurt too much.

 

Jongin sighed as he watched the large screen in front of him. His head was swimming too much with thoughts for him to really focus. He turned to his left, seeing Kyungsoo next to him. The other always had a way of watching movies that made them seem like the best movies ever produced. Expressive eyes glued to the screen and mouth open ever so slightly as he took in the plot.

 

Jongin felt his heart clench, remembering the many movies he had forgone watching in favour of watching his love instead. And even if he needed the fierce determination to not give up on what was important in life from Billy Elliot, he guessed forgoing yet another movie couldn’t really hurt.

 

He reached out, gently taking Kyungsoo’s hand. The other didn’t take his eyes off the screen as he spread his fingers, years of habit integrated deep in him. Jongin interlaced his fingers with the others, watching their wedding bands glint in the dim movie theatre. They didn’t shine like they used to, dulled by time and wear.

 

Like the pair of them.

 

Jongin promised himself he would polish his as soon as he had the chance.

 

The rest of the movie played on but Jongin’s eyes stayed on Kyungsoo, watching the small smiles and frowns and the way his eyes got even shinier than usual as an adult Billy Elliot took the stage and spread his wings.

 

The light from outside had them both raising a hand and laughing as they shielded their eyes. It had been a mid-day showing, because they were boring like that. Jongin laughed as the thought crossed his mind, his heart clenching painfully again. Boring like that. Boring. An adjective he never thought he would associate with him and Kyungsoo.

 

But that was what they were, weren’t they? That’s why they were doing this whole thing. Because they had grown predictable. They had grown safe. They had somehow let this relationship start slip through their fingers. The relationship Jongin had been so sure was the perfect one. The one he was still so sure was the perfect one. They just weren’t living it.

 

“That was a nice surprise.” Kyungsoo said as he took Jongin’s hand, looking up at him. Jongin turned his eyes to his husband, not being able to hold back a smile as a smiling Kyungsoo came into view. The thumbprint that was always there was even more visible than usual on his husband’s glasses today.

 

“I’m glad you liked it.” Jongin said, holding back the urge to pluck Kyungsoo’s glasses from his nose and clean them. He held back a lot of things nowadays.

 

“You know I love the movie.” Kyungsoo said, giving him a light push with his elbow. “The stakes weren’t really that high.”

 

“Who knows, you might have changed your mind.” Jongin said with a shrug. He felt Kyungsoo lag behind a little before the other caught up with him again. Jongin looked down at the ground, preferring to watch the pavement over thinking of what the falter in Kyungsoo’s step meant.

 

“I... I wouldn’t change my mind about that.” Kyungsoo said, somehow saying even more than that. Jongin swallowed.

 

“Time changes a lot of things.” Jongin replied, still not looking at Kyungsoo.

 

“No.” Kyungsoo protested sharply. “Jongin, time doesn’t change things like that.” He gave Jongin’s hand a pull, making the other stop mid step. Jongin could hear himself breathe, it sounded laboured.

 

Slowly, he turned to look at his husband, seeing Kyungsoo look at him with betrayed eyes. Immediately he felt guilt fill him. They were in this together. Neither of them had given up. They were both struggling to catch smoke in their hands. Kyungsoo had been the one to bring them to the counsellor after all. He wanted this to work just as much as Jongin wanted.  

 

He sighed, taking a step closer to his husband. The thumbprint on Kyungsoo’s glasses were even more pronounced in this light, along with small spots, tiny lashes and more fingerprints. When was the last time his husband had cleaned his glasses?

 

“I’m sorry.” He said quietly, letting go of Kyungsoo’s hand so he could gently grasp the thin wire frames. “You’re right. Time doesn’t change things like us.” He continued, voice a whisper as he reached into his bag for a microfiber cloth he always kept there, in case Kyungsoo needed it. It hadn’t been used for a while and when Jongin brought it out it was covered in small dust bunnies.

 

They had a lot of cleaning to do.

 

With sharp movements he shook the dust off of the cloth before starting to carefully clean the lenses, making sure to get into the corners and rub both the inside and outside. With a small smile he regarded his handiwork, seeing the lenses glint in the sunlight before he put them back on Kyungsoo’s face with the same gentleness.

 

Kyungsoo stood as frozen in front of him, watching him closely behind long lashes. Jongin let his fingers travel along the wires of the glasses, cupping Kyungsoo’s face and angling it upwards before bending down to place a gentle kiss on his lips.

 

They trembled against his. Or was it the other way around?

 

“You haven’t cleaned my glasses in forever.” Kyungsoo said as they broke apart. Jongin nodded, taking his husband’s hand again and together they resumed their walk home.

  
“I know.” Jongin nodded, tightening his hand around Kyungsoo’s. “There are a lot of things I haven’t done.” He added.

 

“There is still time.” Kyungsoo’s hand tightened around his own. Jongin nodded, drawing in a deep breath and letting it fill him to the tips of his fingers.

 

There was still time. 

 

* * *

 

 

Kyungsoo felt a pair of arms wrap around his waist, Jongin’s head coming to rest on his shoulder. He hummed around the toothbrush in his mouth, leaning his head against the other as Jongin’s arms tightened around him.

 

His husband was warm against his back, a firm presence. Kyungsoo felt his shoulders slowly relax as he got used to the feeling. He had missed this he realized. He hadn’t even been aware that it had gone away. He wondered how many more things he was actually missing between the two of them. Things he had yet to find out had disappeared, slipped through their fingers and down between worn-down couch cushions.

 

“I-” Jongin started, cutting himself short before he closed his eyes. His lashes fluttered against Kyungsoo’s temple. Kyungsoo hummed, showing he was listening as he continued to brush his teeth.

 

“There is another thing I haven’t done in a long time I want to do.” Jongin confessed. Kyungsoo raised his eyebrows, meeting his husband’s eyes in the mirror.

 

“I want to make love to you.”

 

Kyungsoo’s toothbrush slipped, hitting him in the back of the throat and he gagged, foam dribbling down over his chin. Jongin jumped, immediately helping him bend over the sink as he coughed.

 

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry. That was way to forward.” Jongin apologized, rubbing his back and reaching for the glasses they kept their toothbrush in. It was lined white from dried toothpaste. Still apologizing he filled it, helping Kyungsoo drink the water in big gulps.

 

Kyungsoo shook his head, grabbing Jongin’s wrist and pulling the glass away from his face as he straightened up.

 

“No, no it’s fine.” He said, clearing his throat to get the croak out of it and turning to look at his husband. Jongin was holding the glass tightly enough to have his knuckles turn white. “I just-, I wasn’t ready for that.” Kyungsoo explained.

 

“Oh.” Jongin breathed, nodding in understanding.

 

Silence stretched out between the two of them again. Suffocating, draining, killing. Kyungsoo felt Jongin’s phantom arms around his waist, felt the phantom heat against his back, felt the phantom kiss against his lips from their walk home, and missed it all. Just like he missed their intimacy. Another thing that had gone without either of them realizing.

 

He could feel his heart beating wildly in his chest as he looked at Jongin, saw the uncertainty he felt reflect in the other’s eyes. It would be so easy to just shake it all off, to go back to their imitation of normality, to pretend as if they hadn’t been on a lovely date that had made both of them smile and talk in a way they hadn’t done in ages, pretend as if they hadn’t cooked together properly for the first time in ages, pretend as if the tickle fight they had had on the couch hadn’t been there, pretend as if the love they felt for each other had dulled. But Kyungsoo was scared, scared where that road would take them, where it would end. But Counsellor Kim had told them if they wanted things to change, they had to be brave. They had to stop pretending and step into the uncertain.

 

“Ask me again.” He breathed.

 

Jongin blinked, looking lost for a moment before his eyes widened, something lighting up in his eyes that Kyungsoo had forgotten to look for.

 

“I want to make love to you, can I?” Jongin asked.

 

“Yes.” Kyungsoo nodded, eyes locked with Jongin’s.

 

At once Jongin stepped forward, one hand taking his chin as the other wrapped around his shoulders, kissing him deeply. Kyungsoo felt himself melt into the kiss, his arms coming up to wrap around Jongin’s torso.

 

Their breaths tasted like mint and mouthwash and the chill sent a shiver running down Kyungsoo’s spine. He chased the feeling, pressing closer, letting his tongue mingle with Jongin’s as he lost himself in the kiss, in the familiar yet completely new feeling. Something ignited in his chest, a small spark strong enough to send shockwaves through his entire body.

 

Jongin’s hands slid down his back, over his hips and landed on his ass, giving the cheeks a firm squeeze. Kyungsoo felt himself jump, a giggle escaping out of him before he broke away from Jongin’s kiss.

 

With a smirk he grabbed both of his husband’s hands and pulled them away from him, feeling a little more at ease without the hands touching his lower body, and dragged Jongin with him into the bedroom. Jongin laughed, allowing Kyungsoo to do a cheesy little bug as they danced over to their bed before tackling him down onto the bedding.

 

Unlike last week Jongin didn’t stop kissing him. His lips slid over Kyungsoo’s skin in a caress, leaving a burning fire in their trail. They chased his jawline, climbed his Adam’s apple and settled into the dip of his collar bones, sucking, nipping, biting.

 

Kyungsoo sighed, pressing back against Jongin. His heart was beating wildly in his chest, his fingers holding on almost cramping to Jongin’s biceps as the other sucked a hickey onto his skin.

 

“Off.” Jongin mumbled, pushing at his t-shirt and Kyungsoo felt his breath hitch in his throat for a moment. He swallowed, pushing himself up on his elbows and onto sitting before pulling his shirt off of his him. Immediately he felt the urge to wrap his arms around his middle, hide it, but Jongin was already touching him, pushing at his hip to get him to move further up on the bed.

 

Kyungsoo did as instructed as Jongin slid his pyjama pants off and climbed up after him. He settled himself between Kyungsoo’s legs, his nose teasing along his jawline and his ear with delicate movements. Kyungsoo forced a deep breath into his lungs, focusing on the shivers the feather light touches were leaving on his skin as Jongin’s fingers danced up his arms.

 

He could feel the other’s growing arousal rub against his own. He let a hand run down Jongin’s broad back, land on his hip and pulled, pushing them closer together. Jongin got the hint and slowly started rolling his hips, the movement hesitant at first before growing braver.

 

Kyungsoo spread his legs, hooking one of his feet around Jongin’s waist and back as Jongin moved down his body, tongue teasing his nipple. The sound of their heavy breathing filled the room, of tiny hitches teased out of Kyungsoo and deep sighed flowing out of Jongin.

 

Finally, they parted, Jongin quickly pulling off his underwear before helping Kyungsoo do the same. Jongin’s erect cock was proudly bobbing in the air, Long and thin, while Kyungsoo’s shorter rested against his hip, slightly curved to the side. Jongin moved over to the bedside table, pulling out the drawer in search of lube.

 

Kyungsoo took the chance to roll over, hiding his stomach from Jongin. They usually did it like this, with Kyungsoo on his front or doggy style. He felt safer that way, like another imitation of who Kyungsoo used to be. Small, thin, dainty. Words he hadn’t appreciated until they came from Jongin’s lips. A description that had shaped their initial attraction. An imitation he wasn’t ready to let go of.

 

Jongin moved back on the bed, sliding his hand up Kyungsoo’s back before pressing a gentle kiss to his cheek. His hand settled back down on his hip, giving it a gentle push.

 

“Roll over.” Jongin asked. Kyungsoo closed his eyes, feeling his stomach knot. “I want to see you, all of you.” Jongin whispered in his ear, stroking his back with a warm hand.

 

Kyungsoo licked his lips, trying to get some of the moisture back in his mouth. He had never been as aware of his body as he was in that moment. Of how much space it took, of how his thighs felt as they rubbed against each other, of how uncomfortable it felt under Jongin’s gaze.

 

Slowly, heart beating wildly the entire time, he rolled over, not meeting Jongin’s eyes. Jongin quickly settled in between his legs, not commenting on how he had grown soft. He gripped Kyungsoo’s thighs, wrapping them around his hips again before bending down and giving Kyungsoo a deep kiss.

 

Kyungsoo kept his eyes closed, returning the kiss. If he didn’t look he could pretend, pretend everything was okay. He could feel Jongin’s hands slide down his chest encircle his waist before sliding down over his ass and up the inside of his legs, helping him spread them.

 

The delicate touches had his member stirring again. Jongin touched his hips, fingers trailing down a long since gone ‘v’ to the root of his cock before one of them slowly rubbed his perineum, making Kyungsoo gasp in pleasure.

 

The fingers continued their gentle teasing for a minute more before Kyungsoo heard the quick click of the bottle of lube being opened and the cold press of fingers against his hole a moment later. He jerked, legs tightening around Jongin as they tried to close.

 

Jongin gave his knee a kiss, slowly rubbing his rim as he waited for Kyungsoo to relax and the lube to heat up. Once Kyungsoo’s legs were once more loosely wrapped around his husband’s waist Jongin pressed the first finger inside, mouth returning to Kyungsoo’s nipple to distract him from the stretch.

 

Jongin was patient as he stretched him, his fingers slowly teasing the muscle open with familiar motions. Kyungsoo sighed, small moans and whines escaping him as Jongin worked him open. His hands laid splayed next to his head until Jongin reached up and interlaced his fingers with one of them, providing a lifeline for Kyungsoo to hold on to.

 

Kyungsoo slowly started pushing back, signalling he was ready. His eyes were still closed, his mind lost in the sensation of Jongin against his skin, of his hot breaths, deep moans and love filled kisses.

 

Slowly Jongin pulled his fingers free, leaving Kyungsoo feeling empty and exposed for a moment, before the spongy head of his husband’s cock replaced them. Equally as patient he pushed inside, his forehead, wet with sweat resting against Kyungsoo’s shoulder as he slowly rolled his hips.

 

Kyungsoo slowly brought his other hand up, running it through Jongin’s slowly thinning hair. He shifted his hips, focusing on relaxing as Jongin worked himself inside. Jongin’s cock was hot inside of him, big and all-encompassing in a way only Jongin could be. His scent, the pine wood body wash and cologne, surrounded Kyungsoo in comfort.

 

He tightened his legs around Jongin’s hips, pulling the other closer to himself as his chest ached, feelings too big for him. He pressed his lips against Jongin’s temple, letting them linger there as Jongin bottomed out with a grunt.

 

They stayed still for a long moment, getting used to the feeling. Kyungsoo kept his lips pressed against Jongin’s skin, trying to somehow convey all the love he felt for the other in the small gesture.

 

With a small roll of his hips Jongin propped himself up on his elbows, long hair tickling Kyungsoo’s face as he looked down at his husband. Kyungsoo breathed slowly, waiting, loving.

 

“Open your eyes Soo.” Jongin whispered and Kyungsoo felt his entire body clench, heard Jongin grunt. He wanted to shake his head no, wanted to do anything but that. Jongin’s lips landed on his cheek, gently kissing it before moving up to kiss his closed eyelid, and then the other. “I want to see you.” Jongin whispered.

 

With his heart stuck in his throat, Kyungsoo forced himself to open his eyes. Jongin’s honey brown ones were looking back at him, a concerned smile on his lips. Kyungsoo felt his breath hitch, his eyes blinking rapidly.

 

“I love you.” Jongin whispered, bending down until their noses were touching and slowly rubbing them together. Kyungsoo felt a small laugh bubble out of him, his lips stretching into a smile on its own at Jongin’s words.

 

“I love you too.” He whispered back, stealing a quick kiss from his husband.

 

Satisfied with the answer Jongin rolled his hips again, making Kyungsoo tighten his hold on Jongin’s hand. This position had Jongin reaching much deeper than usual and the sensation of the other rubbing his insides sent sparks of pleasure shooting up Kyungsoo’s spine.

 

“Again.” He whispered, looking up into Jongin’s eyes. Jongin smiled, rolling his hips once more, and again, and again, until he had a rhythm worked up. Kyungsoo gasped, head rolling against the sheets as Jongin thrust into him.

 

Above him Jongin was groaning, his lip caught between his teeth as he focused on keeping the rhythm and feeding as much of himself inside Kyungsoo as possible. Kyungsoo felt his toes curl, his feet hooking around Jongin’s thighs and helping him guide the hips until they fucked just that way he needed.

 

“Jongin.” Kyungsoo whined, taking hold of Jongin’s shoulder as the other increased his rhythm. Every thrust sent a wave of pleasure washing over Kyungsoo, stealing his breath away and making him arch to try and get more. Jongin was hot against his skin, the kisses he peppered over Kyungsoo’s face full of love and promises.

 

Kyungsoo slid his hand down over Jongin’s chest, lingering on his hips for a moment, before he took hold of his neglected cock, moaning loudly at the first touch. He was so close. Closer than he would have liked to be after the short time that had passed. But his body was wound tight with pleasure, ready to spring any moment, and they weren’t twenty anymore.

 

Jongin’s rhythm faltered as Kyungsoo started stroking himself, the smaller’s insides clenching as he worked himself towards completion. The air around them was thick, their breaths mingling as Jongin rested his forehead against Kyungsoo’s.

 

Kyungsoo came first, his body tensing up as the pleasure crashed down over him like a wave, spreading its fire out to the tips of his fingers and toes. Jongin came moments after, a deep growl leaving him as he emptied himself deep inside Kyungsoo, his hips twitching as he rode out his climax.

 

“Soo.” Jongin gasped, collapsing down on his husband. Kyungsoo let out a low moan, his body relaxing as the buzzing feeling of afterglow surged through his tired muscles. Jongin repeated his name, mouthing lazily at his neck as Kyungsoo hummed happily.

 

“You’re my everything.” Kyungsoo heard himself say, tightening his arms around Jongin’s body and hugging him close. Jongin chuckled, snuggling in against Kyungsoo and inhaling deeply.

  
“And you are mine.” He replied, lips dragging across Kyungsoo’s skin. “From now on until forever.”

 

Jongin’s words had Kyungsoo’s chest grow tight. He wasn’t sure that Jongin had done it intentionally, but that didn’t stop the memory of the other speaking the same words to him ten years prior, at their wedding, from replaying in his mind.

 

“-And then just as long again.” Kyungsoo completed the line, his voice quiet in their bedroom.

 

The promise settled over them, wrapping them in a blanked of temporary comfort. Kyungsoo’s heart was beating wildly in his chest, and he could feel Jongin’s beat just as hard.

 

Words were so easy to speak, promises so easy to create. But how did he know this promise wouldn’t slip through his fingers again, slide away from him until he was living a mockery of the life he wanted? How did he stop a problem from growing when he didn’t even know what caused it to begin with?

 


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone!
> 
> As those of you who follow me on twitter might have noticed, I'm struggling with a little bit of a writer's block right now. So far it's not too bad but to make sure it doesn't get any worse I'm going to take a few days off writing and just reload and recharge. Sadly, this means the next update for this fic will probably bee anywhere from four days to a week away. I know I promised I would have it finished quickly and I'm sorry I can't keep that promise. But, I know if I try to force it when I'm feeling like this my writing turns out uninspired and poorly paced, which is not what this fic deserves. I promise you all I will have this fic finished though! 
> 
> For now, I hope you all enjoy this chapter and thank you all so much for all the wonderful support you have given this fic <3<3<3

Kyungsoo quickly reached out, taking hold of Jongin’s hand and giving it a squeeze. His husband turned to look at him, eyebrows rising in question. Kyungsoo just smiled, teasing, and slowly swung their linked arms between them as they walked.

 

The gravel crunched under their feet, the sound of quiet conversations and bicycles in the distance surrounding them. The Han river flowed next to them, water reflecting all the gold and silver lights of the city that surrounded them. It almost looked like stars, the never-ending twinkle of the moving water, and Kyungsoo was sure that if it weren’t for the light pollution, the dark waters would be replaced by a silver ocean.

 

“Remember when we used to come here all the time.” He said softly, looking around himself with fondness. “Back in uni.” He added, looking up at Jongin who smiled, the golden lights around them reflected in his honey brown eyes.

 

“Of course.” Jongin replied, giving Kyungsoo’s hand a squeeze and looking over at his husband. “We used to spend hours just walking, talking.” He said, eyes travelling from Kyungsoo’s face and out over the Han river. “You picked a real good return date.”

 

“Return date, is that what we’re calling them?” Kyungsoo asked teasingly. Next to them a bike flew past and Jongin took a step closer, his upper arm brushing Kyungsoo’s. Once the bike had passed, neither of them moved apart.

 

“I think it fits. We’re kind of returning to where we used to be.” Jongin replied, a small smile still playing on his lips. “In more ways than one.” He added, looking back at Kyungsoo who felt his lips quirk up into a large smile, the frames of his glasses cold against his cheeks as they touched.

 

He hummed in agreement, feeling his heart flutter in his chest. What Jongin said was true. Counsellor Kim’s advice to return to old dates they had once gone on had really been helping. It had forced them out of routine, had made them realize how rigid and locked in they had been in habits they had unknowingly formed.

 

The date nights, dressing up, leaving the house, spending time with each other and only with each other, had made Kyungsoo realize how much all the little things they didn’t do any more were worth.

 

It wasn’t the kisses, or the hand holding, or the sex, that made their relationship full of love. It was the little things, acts of caring deeply and truly for each other, that fuelled them. Like Jongin still keeping the microfibre cloth for his glasses in his bag despite not having used it for ages. Or Kyungsoo helping Jongin tie his tie, because the other knew he could always trust Kyungsoo to help him.

 

And it was those little things they had lost, and instead replaced with things they thought contained love. Things like kissing each other good morning, good night, hello, and goodbye, but never drowning the other in kisses out of the blue just because they could. Things like making sure to always give the other something nice for their birthday but never surprising the other with a gift just because they wanted to see them smile. Things like doing the same date over and over again because happy couples dated, but never making sure to go on actually happy dates.

 

But...while things were going better on their dates Kyungsoo still couldn’t help but feel as if something was missing. Something between the pair of them. Their days spent at home, going about their usual day slipped back into routine too quickly. The imitation they both lived of happiness holding too strongly. And Kyungsoo couldn’t help but wonder over what would happen once they got used to these dates too, once they got used to talking to Counsellor, once the imitation stretched out over those areas too. What hope was there for them then?

 

“Soo.” Jongin spoke, breaking him out of his thoughts. Kyungsoo blinked, realizing they had been walking in silence for many minutes. He looked over at his husband with a questioning hum, hoping the other hadn’t noticed him spacing out. He didn’t want Jongin to think he was bored.

 

“Coffee?” Jongin asked, gesturing with his free hand towards a 7-eleven a few meters ahead of them. Kyungsoo nodded, allowing himself to be lead to the small convenience store by his husband.

 

“Rock paper scissor, loser pays.” He said as they reached the window. Jongin held up a hand, showing he was ready.

 

“1, 2, 3!”

 

Jongin groaned as he looked at his scissors and Kyungsoo let out a happy laugh, making a show of crushing the scissors with his rock before looking up at the small menu. Rock paper scissors. That had been their way of solving everything back when they had just started dating. The memory of the two of them doing just this at this very 7-eleven what had to be years ago had flashed through his mind so quickly Kyungsoo had barely realized he was recreating that too.

 

“I want a vanilla iced latte.” He said and gave his husband a quick kiss on the cheek, yet another old mannerism lost to time. His heart beat in his chest, quickly, excitedly as Jongin’s eyes widened, the recollection of what was happening filling them.

 

With a laugh Kyungsoo sat down on one of the benches, feeling lighter than air as the blush rose on Jongin’s cheeks.

 

Jongin quickly ordered them their drinks, an iced tea for himself, and made his way over to where Kyungsoo was sitting, still smiling widely. He made sure to give Kyungsoo a quick kiss before he handed him his drink, more memories awaken.

 

“I had forgotten we used to do that.” He said honestly as he sat down next to Kyungsoo and took a sip of his drink.

 

“Me too.” Kyungsoo confessed, allowing Jongin to lean his head against his shoulder. His heart felt strangely big in his chest. His body strangely relaxed. “It came back when I saw that old menu board. It has to be at least 12 years old by now.” He said with a chuckle, chewing slightly on his straw. The drinks were as mediocre as he remembered them, but somehow Jongin’s sweetness made up for it.

 

“We used to decide everything with rock paper scissors. Even things we really shouldn’t have.” Jongin said, taking another loud sip. Jongin had always been a quick eater and drinker, finishing his drinks in minutes, while Kyungsoo liked to sip on his slowly, savouring it.

 

“You mean our first flat?” Kyungsoo asked, not quite managing to keep the laugh out of his voice. All he received in return was yet another loud sip and a pointed stare. Kyungsoo let his laugh ring out into the dark night, happy and free.

 

“Now, in retrospect, I can admit my selection might not have been the most well thought out one.” He said, immediately feeling the smugness radiating off of Jongin.

 

“I told you I’m the best at making decisions.” Jongin said and Kyungsoo held back an eyeroll, instead looking down at his husband who was looking up at his with a shit eating grin and innocent eyes.

 

“I stand by my original argument. Mine had a balcony.” He shot back, taking a pointed sip of his drink.

 

“And mould in the bathroom.” Jongin said without missing a beat. “And that’s the tea.” He raised his drink and gave it a shake. Kyungsoo felt himself frown, not at all understanding how tea had anything to do with it but quickly being able to point out where the expression must have come from.

 

“I’m going to forbid you from talking to Baekhyun. He keeps teaching you nonsense.” He deadpanned and Jongin barked out a loud laugh, pulling his feet up and placing his whole weight on Kyungsoo. Kyungsoo felt a laugh of his own bubble up in his chest at the sight of his laughing husband.

 

Why couldn’t it always be like this?

 

Five minutes later Jongin had calmed back down and finished his drink and the two of them were once again walking slowly down the path along the riverbank. The moon peaked out of the clouds every so often, bathing the whole place in silver light.

 

“You remember that bench where we always used to sit and talk? We spent hours there.” Jongin said, slowly swinging their interlaced hands between them. “You think it’s still here?”

 

Kyungsoo shook his head, taking a quick sip of his drink before resuming his chewing of the straw.

 

“They replaced all the benches a few years ago. They made a big deal about it.” He replied and Jongin’s face fell, his gaze lowering to the gravel road under them. Kyungsoo bit down hard on the straw, wanting to ask what was wrong but doing nothing instead. Like always.

 

The happy aura around them seemed to have been left behind at the small 7-eleven, along with the happy memories. Maybe their happiness was just that, a memory? It belonged in the past along with everything else good about them.

 

“I-” Jongin started, quickly cutting himself off. Kyungsoo chewed on the straw, the drink cold in his hands. “I want to talk. About us.” Jongin finished, not looking over at Kyungsoo.

  
Kyungsoo nodded, swallowing before lowering his drink. It was bitter on his tongue, chilling his insides.

 

“Sure. Shoot.” He said. Neither of them looked at each other.

 

“How...how do you feel about us, _genuinely_ feel about us?” Jongin asked and Kyungsoo felt his stomach twist into a lump of discomfort.

 

“Good!” Kyungsoo said out of sheer reflex. What was he supposed to answer a question like that? Could they feel anything but good in a situation like this?

 

“That’s it?” Jongin asked with a frown. Kyungsoo could feel his eyes on him but refused to look away from the river stretching out next to them. Of course that was it. They loved each other, they were working on fixing what had gone wrong. He had to feel good about this or else he might as well just give up.

 

“Yes.” He replied honestly. There were a lot of other thing he could feel about them too, but those were obvious. He wasn’t going to spend his time talking about doubt that could only lead to more doubt. That was pointless.

 

“Seriously?” Jongin’s voice was accusing and Kyungsoo tore his eyes away from the river, meeting his husband’s questioning look.

  
“Yes.” He replied pointedly. “Don’t you? Or have you given up already?” He asked.

 

“Of course not!” Jongin protested.

 

“Then why the questions?” He asked, the grip they had on their interlaced hands had increased to the point where it was starting to grow uncomfortable.

 

“Why do you always do this?” Jongin asked and Kyungsoo blinked, frowning up at his husband as he waited for an explanation. “You shut down every conversation the moment it gets slightly uncomfortable for you.”

  
“I do not!” He protested.

 

“Yes, you do! You just did!” Jongin gestured behind them to where they had been just moments ago.

  
“Well, do you feel anything other than good about the two of us?” Kyungsoo pressed.

 

“Yes!” Jongin answered and Kyungsoo froze, eyes wide as he looked at his husband. “Yes of fucking course I do! We haven’t talked about anything except work for I don’t know how long! It’s driving me crazy!”

 

“Then why don’t you talk about something different then?” Kyungsoo questioned harshly.

 

“I am trying now, aren’t I? I’ve tried so many times but you keep shooting me down! You keep avoiding the subject and shutting me off! I feel like I barely know my husband anymore!” Jongin continued and Kyungsoo felt his mouth fall open, his back tensing as he looked into his husband’s eyes, seeing nothing but desperate honesty in them.

 

“How can you say that?” Kyungsoo asked, tearing his hand out of Jongin’s. “What do you mean? We love each other! I know everything about you!”

 

“Do you?” Jongin challenged. “Do you know how worried I’ve been? Do you know how lonely I feel? Do you know how I’ve felt like there has been a wall between us for more than a year?”

 

Kyungsoo blinked, mouth working wordlessly as he tried to come up with an answer. Of course he didn’t know that! Jongin hadn’t told him! How was he supposed to know what Jongin didn’t tell him?

 

“You shut me out! You make me feel as if I’m the only one with worries in this relationship. I feel as if if I were to bring them up I would bring up something that only exist in my head because you seem perfectly happy all the time. But then you come home one day and tell me you’ve been in contact with a marriage counsellor. A marriage counsellor Kyungsoo! And I didn’t even know you had worries about us. You never tell me anything anymore and it makes me feel so alone!” Jongin continued, reaching out to grab hold of Kyungsoo’s shoulders. Kyungsoo tore himself free.

 

He could barely breathe. His hands were shaking where he had fisted them, his jaw clenched so hard it hurt. So this was all his fault? Was that what Jongin was saying? That he was what had caused their relationship to go south? But had Jongin even tried? Kyungsoo had thought he was alone too! He had trusted that Jongin would tell him because Jongin always did.

 

“So it’s my fault _you_ haven’t talked about your issues?” He spat, venom in his voice. Jongin threw his hands up in the air, covering his face and groaning.

 

“That’s not what I’m saying at all! Are you even listening to what I was saying?” He asked, sounding tired.

 

“Were you listening to what you were saying?” Kyungsoo shot back.

 

“Don’t. Kyungsoo don’t fucking do this again.” Jongin sighed, hands falling away from his face as he looked at Kyungsoo.

 

“Do what?” Kyungsoo asked, raising his eyebrows in question.

 

“This!” Jongin gestured around himself. “Shutting me out! You do this all the time. You obviously have things you need to talk about as well!” He implored, seeking Kyungsoo’s gaze.

 

“Like what?” Kyungsoo asked, meeting the gaze full on with a dead set expression.  

 

“Like how you’ve obviously gained weight.”

 

* * *

 

 

Jongin knew it was the worst thing to say the moment the words had left his lips. He hadn’t even meant to say them. It was just one more thing Kyungsoo had hid for him, expecting him not to notice as they both pretended everything was fine.

 

The moment the words had left his mouth Kyungsoo’s face had fallen, the look of fury replaced by heartbreak in less than a second. Jongin felt as if he was frozen, wanting to take everything back, to never have this conversation to begin with, to go back to pretending to be happy.

 

This was why he hadn’t brought this up. He knew they would fight and he hated fighting with Kyungsoo. He hated hurting the other and he knew how much the other hated hurting him. They rarely fought but they were both two stubborn, proud and stupid persons. If they had just talked, if they hadn’t gotten so tired, so complacent, so used to thinking of things as this was the way it was supposed to be. That their worries were nothing but temporary things that would disappear with a quick kiss and a good night’s sleep.

 

“Fuck you!” Kyungsoo spat, his voice breaking. With choppy movements he raised his drink and threw it towards Jongin, missing him with at least a meter, before turning on his heel and beginning to walk away from there with quick steps.

 

Jongin took a step forwards, wanting to apologize but holding himself back. He had talked with their counsellor alone the other day and told him about how he felt the two of them never talked and that he didn’t know how to fix it. He had told him how worried it made him feel when Kyungsoo shut him out and didn’t tell him things, and how alone he felt in his worries. Doctor Kim had suggested that he tried bringing it up with Kyungsoo and that if it didn’t work they could talk about it here, making the doctor the mediator. He had been advised to not give up even if things were hard, because fixings things like this was never easy.

 

He took a deep breath, hurrying after Kyungsoo. He would explain himself. Make this right again and then they could talk about this like two adults without screaming and throwing accusations at each other.

 

“Kyungsoo, please!” He called out, taking hold of Kyungsoo’s shoulder and turning him around. Kyungsoo tore himself free but thankfully stayed where he was. “I know you need to talk about it. It’s something that has been on both of our minds and I want us to be able to talk about stuff like this.” He explained. Surely Kyungsoo could understand he only wanted what was best for the two of them.

 

“Why?” Kyungsoo asked, breath shaking.  “So you can tell me you want me to start working out? To go back to who I used to be when I was small and cute? Don’t you think I know that? Don’t you think I want that too?” His voice rose as he talked, the last sentence almost a scream.

 

Jongin shook his head. No, no that wasn’t what he thought at all! Why couldn’t Kyungsoo just listen to him! He sighed, trying to reach out for Kyungsoo again but the other pushed his hands away.

 

“Don’t touch me!” He spat and Jongin felt his temper boil over again.

  
“Why the fuck would you think I want that?” He questioned.

 

“Don’t you think I haven’t noticed?” Kyungsoo asked, raising his eyebrows at him. Jongin bit his lip, breathing heavily through his nose. Kyungsoo broke out into a humourless laugh.

 

“Do you honestly think I haven’t noticed? You can’t stand the sight of me! You barely even touch me! You never call me small, or dainty, anymore! You barely even love me anymore!” Kyungsoo’s voice broke at the last sentence, his lips trembling as he glared at Jongin.

 

Jongin felt cold, frozen. His entire frame was shaking while a burning hot ball travelled up his oesophagus, lodging itself at the back of his throat. His pulse was pounding in his ears, the world blurry in front of him but Kyungsoo crystal clear.

 

“I pretend that everything is okay so you won’t notice how not okay I feel! I don’t want to talk about it because then you will realize that I’m not the man you fell in love with! And now I’ve ruined it all by trying to fix it!” Kyungsoo was trembling too, his voice shrill.

 

“Don’t you dare say that” Jongin forced out, every word burning on the way out. “Don’t you dare say I don’t love you. I love you more than anything in this universe! You! The Kyungsoo standing in front of me now!” He took a step forward, taking hold of Kyungsoo’s shoulders. This time Kyungsoo let him.

 

“I love you so much it hurts!” He continued, his voice thick. He gave Kyungsoo’s shoulders a shake, trying to make the other understand. “I only want to fix this! I only want to make you happy again! I only want us to be happy again.” He trailed off, feeling the first tears roll down his cheeks.

 

“I’m scared Jongin.” Kyungsoo admitted, voice quiet. Jongin sniffed, pulling his husband close to himself, wrapping his arms tightly and securely around him. His most precious.

 

“Me too. I don’t know what to do.” He confessed, pressing his face against Kyungsoo’s hair as he cried. He wished he had a switch he could press, a word he could say, and everything would be okay again. He wished he knew where it all had gone wrong so he could make it alright again. He wished for so so much, but most of all he wished for Kyungsoo to be happy.

 

“I still think you’re cute.” He whispered. Even if he couldn’t make everything right, maybe he could make this thing right again. “I still think you’re small and dainty. I love how your body looks, how you look, because you look so happy and healthy. I love how soft you are, how curvy you’ve gotten.”

 

He could feel Kyungsoo tremble against him, feel the other’s sharp, hot breaths against his collarbones. Kyungsoo’s had wrapped his arms around Jongin, and as he spoke they slowly fisted in the fabric of his jacket, holding on tight.

 

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you. I could tell you weren’t entirely comfortable and I didn’t want to bring attention to something in case I hurt your feelings.” He explained, kissing Kyungsoo’s hair and blinking a few more tears out of his eyes. “I should have told you what I felt instead. About everything. I should have told you everything and instead I kept you in the dark like an idiot.”

 

“I’m sorry too!” Kyungsoo interrupted, words muffled by Jongin’s jacket. “I should have told you. And I should have listened better too! I shouldn’t have brushed your worries off. I didn’t support you like I promised I would. I’m the worst husband.” He broke off into a loud sniff, his body rigid for a moment before relaxing again, a pattern Jongin knew meant he was trying not to cry.

 

“You aren’t. You were only trying to do what you thought was best for us.” Jongin comforted, his chest still hiccupping with sobs from time to time. He had always been quicker to cry than his husband, always expressed his emotions more. But he knew Kyungsoo was feeling just as awful as himself about all of this, he would be an idiot if he didn’t.

 

“You too! You were trying to fix this all from the beginning.” Kyungsoo pointed out in a crooked voice. Jongin rubbed his back, taking comfort in the warm body next to him.

 

With a deep sigh he pulled back, cupping his husband’s face and staring into Kyungsoo’s eyes. They were glossy. He blinked, feeling another tear roll down his cheek. One of Kyungsoo’s hands left his back and gently cradled his cheek, wiping the tear away with his thumb.

  
“ _We_ are going to fix this, together.” He said, trying to put all the conviction he felt inside of himself in his voice. “I promise.”

 

“Together.” Kyungsoo promised, giving a curt but determined nod.

 

Jongin gently angled Kyungsoo’s chin, bending down and pressing his lips against his husband’s. Kyungsoo pressed up against him, raising on his tiptoes to deepen the kiss, Jongin’s arm around his middle bracing him. Jongin slowly moved his lips, Kyungsoo matching his movements as they sealed their promise to each other.

 

When they parted Kyungsoo rested his head against Jongin’s chest again, his hand running down Jongin’s arm and taking hold of his hand. Jongin gave it a squeeze, swaying slowly back and forth as he looked at their interlaced fingers. Their wedding bands gave a dull glint in the silver light of the moon, still unpolished.

 

Tomorrow, Jongin promised. Tomorrow he would polish them. No excuses, no pushing back. This was his top priority and he would not allow himself to just wait for problems to solve themselves anymore.

 

“Some date this is.” Kyungsoo laughed, sniffing once as he joined in with the swaying.

 

“I think we needed this more than any date.” Jongin said with a small smile, resting his chin on Kyungsoo’s head.

 

“I hate how you’re always right.” Kyungsoo muttered, clearly wiping his cheeks against Jongin’s jacket. Jongin let out a full body laugh, wrapping his arms around Kyungsoo and hugging him as tightly as he possibly could. Kyungsoo struggled in his arms, slapping his arms and protesting loudly.

 

Jongin let go and Kyungsoo took a step back, glaring at him before quickly giving his arm a punch, making Jongin jump. Slowly, a blinding smile broke out on Kyungsoo’s lips, a giggle bubbling up inside of him and Jongin found himself returning it, having missed this playfulness.

 

“Come on.” He said, holding out his hand and wiggling his fingers. Kyungsoo took it happily, wiping at his eyes with his free hand as if to remove any traces of tears.

 

“We still have time to make this a good date.” Jongin said, pulling Kyungsoo close to him and lifting his hand to press a kiss to it. Kyungsoo sighed, leaning against Jongin’s arm as they started walking, hands firmly clasped between them.

 


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone! Thank you all for your patience! The writer's block is still messing a little bit with me so my writing is really slow. So there will probably be a little while before next update as well. I will be going back to my home town tomorrow though so I hope that the change of environment might help! Also, I promise to reply to all your lovely comments as soon as possible. I have read them all and they are so sweet and I want you all to know just how happy they make me. So please, just a little patience more and soon this story will be finished.

“Jongin!”

 

Jongin looked up at the sound of his husband’s voice, his fingers stilling against his keyboard. He turned slightly in his chair, looking in towards their bedroom where the call had come from. Did Kyungsoo want something?

 

“What?” Jongin called back. His husband was in the middle of cleaning out their wardrobe and Jongin had taken the chance to answer some work emails and draw up a loose plan for their upcoming project. Usually whenever his husband was cleaning Jongin didn’t have to help out. Kyungsoo liked working independently and would often power through whatever obstacle he encountered with sheer stubbornness.

 

“Come here!” Kyungsoo called back. He didn’t sound frustrated, which meant he probably didn’t need Jongin’s help. But for what other reason would Kyungsoo call him over? He knew Jongin was working.

  
With a quick turn back towards his laptop Jongin pressed the save button before flipping down the lid and standing up. He could feel himself grow worried as he made his way over towards the bedroom. Was Kyungsoo hurt? No, surely not. Jongin hadn’t heard any indication of that in his voice.

 

“What is it?” Jongin asked as he pushed the door to their bedroom open. He found Kyungsoo sitting on the bedroom floor, a large box next to him and a pile of trinkets next to him. Jongin stopped for a moment.

 

Kyungsoo looked up at him, a bright look in his eyes as he waved his husband over. Jongin moved over, huffing as he sat down on the floor next to his husband. The other had a large book in his hands, a book Jongin slowly started recognizing as he looked at it.

 

“Is that our photo album?” He asked, shifting a little closer to Kyungsoo who nodded.

 

“I found it in the box. I think it’s from uni.” Kyungsoo confirmed, slowly opening the book. The pages protested at the movement, having stayed closed for far too long. The first few pages were sticking together and Kyungsoo set to gently prying them apart, revealing a page with the inscription:

 

2004

Jongin & Kyungsoo

Forever

 

Someone had drawn a small heart next to Kyungsoo’s name and Jongin quickly recognized it as being in his handwriting. He felt himself smile, watching as Kyungsoo flipped a few pages forwards at random.

 

From the pages a smiling Kyungsoo looked up at them, Jongin’s four dogs laying on top of him. Next to it was a picture of Jongin walking all the dogs, leashes tangled around him and the dogs blurry from movement. Jongin stroked over the picture.

 

“I miss them.” He admitted. They had died a few years ago and despite both of them having talked about getting a new dog nothing had happened.

 

“Me too.” Kyungsoo said, pushing Jongin’s hand away from the photos so he wouldn’t get fingerprints on them.

 

Jongin flipped another page, revealing pictures of the two of them along with their university friends, Yixing, Chanyeol, and Sehun. The five of them were standing outside of their university, the picture poorly framed. The upper frame was almost cutting off the top of Chanyeol and Sehun’s heads, and at the bottom way too much ground was showing but Jongin still found himself smiling at the sight of them.

 

He remembered taking this. Chanyeol had bought a fancy camera he didn’t know how to work because that had been his latest hyper fixation, and he had insisted all of them took a picture together to celebrate. It had taken them an eternity to figure out the timer function and then they had set on slightly too long, resulting in the picture in front of them.

 

Kyungsoo was frowning, clearly mid speech as the camera had gone off, and next to him Chanyeol’s long arms were blurry from moving to point at the camera. Jongin, standing next to Kyungsoo, was jumping at Chanyeol’s sudden movement, face shocked. Next to him stood Yixing, mouth open in a huge laugh.

 

The only one looking like they were actually posing was Sehun, but Jongin knew that was just sheer luck. The other had dropped his smile a second before the picture was taken and just happened to be blessed with a resting face that looked good enough for a model.

 

“I remember this.” Kyungsoo said with a small chuckle. “I can’t believe Chanyeol insisted on printing up a picture each of this.”

 

“I’m glad he did.” Jongin sighed. They had to get together all of them again soon. It had been far too long since last. Many things had been.

 

“Didn’t he take pictures of us too?” Kyungsoo asked, starting to flip through the pages. Jongin caught sight of more stolen moments between the two of them. Kyungsoo mid bite. Jongin lost in a silly dance. The two of them jumping off a cliff into clear blue water, hands held tightly. The white pawprints his dogs had left behind on the stone balcony when they had repainted their first flat. Jongin on the beach with his uncle’s kids. Kyungsoo shaving his hair off for the first time, tongue sticking out as he focused. Kyungsoo laughing happily as Jongin carried him on his shoulders.

 

The memories made Jongin’s chest feel tight, his cheeks hurting from smiling. They used to be so adventurous, impulsive. Almost all of their dates had been a spur of the moment date, the two of them just wanting to experience the world together. He missed that spontaneity, the carefree nature of as long as they were together, they could do anything.

 

He would have to ask counsellor Kim of what he should do to bring it back.

 

He wrapped an arm around Kyungsoo’s waist as the other flipped back and forth through the photo book, clearly searching for something special. Jongin remembered that Chanyeol indeed had taken quite a few pictures of the two of them together, both on their request and his, and they had always been among Jongin’s favourites.

 

“Here.” Kyungsoo said suddenly and Jongin looked down at the picture on display. It was of the two of them, posing in front of a large roller coaster. They were wearing a couple look consisting of their university team’s baseball shirts, jeans, and a cap, although only Kyungsoo wore his on his head, Jongin had his tied to his belt.

 

“We were disgustingly cheesy, weren’t we?” Jongin asked, pulling a face. Kyungsoo let out a loud laugh next to him, tipping his head back and resting it against Jongin’s shoulder for a brief moment.

 

“We were.” He admitted, looking back down at the picture with a longing look. Jongin looked over at Kyungsoo, seeing him push up his glasses with his free hand, placing a big thumbprint on them the way he always did. He had done that back in university too, the rare times he wore glasses.

 

“But...Chanyeol can’t have taken this one.” He added, turning his head to get a better look at the picture. “It was just the two of us this time.”

 

Next to him Kyungsoo let out a noise of recognition.

 

“We got those tourists to take a picture of us, right?” Kyungsoo asked and Jongin nodded. They had been a couple about their age if Jongin wasn’t misremembering. He wondered what had happened to them. Were they still together? Or had they drifted apart?

 

“We should return to this date.” Kyungsoo said softly, Jongin barely catching the quiet words. He sighed, remembering how they had spent a whole day at that amusement park just fooling around. It had been a truly wonderful date. They really should return to it.

 

But, they had a return date planned for next Friday already. And the Friday after that Jongin had planned for them to have a picnic at the park. And he needed to look up the opening hours to make sure they were open on Fridays during the off season. And-

 

No.

 

No fuck that!

 

Here he was, saying he missed the spontaneity and then passing up on the perfect opportunity to be spontaneous.

 

“We should.” He said decisively. Kyungsoo looked over at him with wide eyes, a happy smile on his lips.

 

“I think there might be company discounts during the summer. I can keep an eye out for them.” Kyungsoo said with a nod, looking back down at the picture with longing eyes.

 

“No need.” Jongin said, quickly pushing himself up to standing. His heart was beating quickly in his chest, excitement filling him head to toe. “We’re going today.”

 

“What?” Kyungsoo looked up, a confused look on his face.

 

“You said you wanted to return to the amusement park, so we’re returning to the amusement park.” Jongin said in explanation, not being able to stop a smile from breaking out on his lips. Kyungsoo just blinked at him in reply, clearly not following.

  
“But you have work you need to finish.” Kyungsoo said, slowly closing the photo book.

 

“I can finish that tomorrow. Our date is more important.” Jongin said, pushing the book off of Kyungsoo’s lap and pulling him up to standing. Kyungsoo was still staring at him with large eyes.

  
“Really?” He asked.

 

“Of course.” Jongin replied and Kyungsoo broke out into a large smile, pulling Jongin into a tight hug as he laughed. Jongin wrapped his arms around his husband, smiling so hard it hurt before pressing his lips to Kyungsoo’s. Their kiss was cut short as they both broke out into happy smiles again, their noses rubbing together.

 

“Let’s go?” Jongin asked, pulling apart. Kyungsoo nodded, taking Jongin’s hand firmly in his. Jongin felt as he was walking on clouds as he started leading Kyungsoo towards the door, a giddy feeling he hadn’t felt in ages overtaking him. This was such an irresponsible decision to make but it felt so right.

 

Kyungsoo suddenly stopped, making Jongin stop as well and look back at his husband.

 

“Can we do the outfits too?” Kyungsoo asked, voice hopeful. And how could Jongin say no to that smile?

 

* * *

 

 

 With his hand securely held in Jongin’s, Kyungsoo let his eyes wander around the area as they walked. The amusement park was big, bigger than he remembered, and the area was packed full of all kinds of rides. Most of the rides were slower, the park being marketed mostly towards families with younger kids, but there were plenty of wild rides as well.  

 

They had already gone on one of them, a calm little train ride that went around the whole amusement park area. The idea had been to get an overlook of the park but Jongin had ended up tickling Kyungsoo half a minute after they left the station and the two of them hadn’t been able to stop messing around with each other until they reached the station again.

 

They had received some strange looks, mostly because of their more than retro couple look. Kyungsoo had managed to find the old baseball shirts in the back of their wardrobe and after matching them with some old jeans, Kyungsoo borrowing Jongin’s to mimic the oversized style he had worn in the photo, and a cap each they were ready to go.

 

Kyungsoo had to admit it was cheesy, very cheesy, but he couldn’t help but love it. They looked like they belonged together, and the thought of that made Kyungsoo’s heart feel light in his chest.

 

Finally, finally, they were making some progress. Finally, he felt that burning excitement in his chest again. Finally, he felt as if he could actually talk to Jongin again, like he could share what was going on inside of him again. Finally, they felt whole.

  
“Let’s go on the flume ride.” Kyungsoo said, looking up at Jongin with a happy smile. Jongin looked back down at him. The cap on his head had pushed Jongin’s hair back, showing off his forehead and Kyungsoo couldn’t help the smile that grew on his face every time he saw his husband. He looked so much like he had done back when they were newly graduated.

  
“We’ll get wet.” Jongin pursed his lips, looking deep in thought.

 

“And we’ll dry. It’s hot outside today. Come on!” Kyungsoo urged on, pulling at his husband’s hand in the direction of the ride. “We have to go on all the rides.”

 

“ _All_ the rides?” Jongin asked, an amused smile playing on his lips as he allowed Kyungsoo to pull him along.

 

“Yes!” Kyungsoo confirmed. “Just like we did last time.” He gave a curt nod as they joined the end of the line, his hand still firmly grasped in Jongin’s. Jongin let out a loud laugh at that, making Kyungsoo’s heart speed up in his chest.

 

He felt younger today than he had done in ages, excited and happy. And relieved. Relieved that the issues that had arisen between them were fixable. Relieved that, even though it had been the hardest thing they had even done, counselling was slowly but surely working for them. Relieved that he wouldn’t have to go around with guilt in his heart and shame in his reflection every moment of every day.

 

The line was long, but they had ways of entertaining themselves. Mostly through kissing each other and cuddling in a way that was surely too much pda for a couple their age, but Kyungsoo couldn’t really find it within himself to care. The ride went by in a flurry of Jongin’s happy screams in his ear, his warm arms around his middle, and a wave of water straight into his lap.

 

Still, he was laughing as they walked off the ride, both his and Jongin’s jeans soaked but their moods as high as ever. With excited eyes he started looking around the amusement park, swinging their entwined hands between each other.

 

The next ride was the dragon ship, the two of them sitting at the very edge along with a group of teenagers. After that they went on the swing ride, the pair of them snagging a couple’s swing and holding hands the whole ride through, golden wedding bands shining as if new in the bright sunlight.

 

They decided to take a break from rides after that and raid the food court of any snacks they could get. Jongin bought himself a candied apple with more candy than apple and Kyungsoo got a stick of cotton candy large enough to cover his entire head.

 

Their snack break was eternalized by Jongin taking a video of Kyungsoo struggling, and failing, to eat the cotton candy without getting it all over his face, and Kyungsoo taking a picture of Jongin pouting at his empty stick, candied apple all gone.

 

“So, what’s next?” Kyungsoo asked, stopping as Jongin stopped walking and allowing his husband to pull his glasses off his nose. He felt himself smile, his heart swelling in his chest as the blurry figure of Jongin pulled a microfiber cloth out of his back pocket.

 

“We still have Tornado left.” Jongin said. Kyungsoo frowned, trying to remember which ride the other was referring to. Maybe the teacups? They were usually named like that.

 

“Which one’s that?” He asked, squinting off into the distance even though he long since had gotten too near-sighted to see anything farther away than a meter in front of him.

 

“That one.” Jongin said, gesturing off to the side with a nod of his head. Kyungsoo followed it, seeing nothing more than a blur of colours. With a sigh he turned to his husband, seeing Jongin giggle happily before gently placing his glasses back on his nose and kissing his head in apology.

 

Kyungsoo gave him a light punch in the side, not actually upset over the teasing but he had to keep up appearances, and turned towards the ride Jongin had been gesturing to.

 

It was a short, odd looking roller coaster. It only changed direction height wise and to Kyungsoo it looked like a squashed rubber band someone had built a metal construction around.

 

“How does it even work?” Kyungsoo asked, starting to walk towards the roller coaster. Jongin followed, quickly grabbing his hand and giving it a squeeze.

  
“I think the wagons sit on either side of the track so it’s basically like a normal rollercoaster except they’re locked in place and can only see what’s right in front of you. So a backwards, freefall, roller coaster fusion.” Jongin said, moving his free hand as if drawing the path of the roller coaster.

 

“You have no idea, do you?” Kyungsoo asked as they stepped into the queueing building, showing their wristbands to the attendant.

  
“Is it that obvious?” Jongin asked with a shy laugh and Kyungsoo nodded, giving his husband another teasing poke in the side.

 

“It seems pretty intense though, judging from the number of students here.” Kyungsoo remarked, looking around them. The line was almost empty, maybe 10 or so people before them, and all of them were in their early twenties.

 

“Nah.” Jongin shook his head. “It’s probably because it’s the only non-traditional ride in the park. And besides, it’s like 200 meters long how intense can be?”

 

They got their answer five minutes later, when the wagons sitting on either side of the track slowly started turning on their own axel as they reached max height and by the time Kyungsoo realized he was going to regret this the wagon had already reached the first hill and was plummeting them face first towards the ground.

 

Forty seconds later and more loops than Kyungsoo had ever experienced in his life the ride came to a stop and Kyungsoo let out a final scream, his hands white and sweaty from how tightly they were clutching the handles. As he turned his head towards Jongin the other looked pale, his eyes wide as he glared at the ride attendant approaching to let them out.

 

Kyungsoo’s legs were wobbly when his feet hit the ground and if it hadn’t been able to support himself on Jongin he was sure both of them would have collapsed down on the ground right where they were standing.

 

From behind them a group of teens loudly declared how they needed to ride it once more and Kyungsoo couldn’t even roll his eyes at them.

  
“How intense can it be?” He mimicked Jongin in a breathy voice, looking up at his husband who sent him an impressive glare. Kyungsoo let out a weak laugh, the adrenaline still pumping through him making him shake. Jongin slowly joined in, eyebrows slowly rising until both of them were giggling so hard they had to sit down on a nearby park bench so they wouldn’t fall over.

 

To calm their erratic (and old) hearts they decided to go on the Ferris wheel next, giggling and stumbling while making their way over to the ride before finally sinking into the worn seats. Kyungsoo leaned his head against Jongin’s shoulder, sighing deeply as the ride slowly started moving.

 

“This was a great idea Jongin.” He said, looking up at his husband who looked back down at him with a small smile. “Thank you.”

 

“Of course, babe.” Jongin replied, pressing a quick kiss to his lips. Kyungsoo closed his eyes, just relishing in the feeling of being close to Jongin. Slowly, Jongin’s arm snaked around his waist, settling warmly on his hip. Kyungsoo took a measured breath, trying to remember that Jongin had told him he still liked his body despite the weight he had gained.

 

“Is this okay?” Jongin asked carefully, hand almost leaving his hip before Kyungsoo pressed his own hand over it, keeping it there.

 

“Yes.” He said, having to convince himself too. “Yes, it is.”

 

He had talked to their counsellor on his own last week about his issues with his weight and Doctor Kim had gently pointed out that allowing himself to be vulnerable and to show that vulnerability to Jongin would be a key point not only in overcoming the issues he had with himself but also the barrier that existed between him and Jongin.

 

“Jongin...” Kyungsoo started, his instinct immediately telling him to just shut up and pretend everything was okay until the problem disappeared (or grew into an unclimbable mountain). “I’m sorry for shutting you out.”

 

Jongin’s arm tightened around him, his husband’s chin landing on his head as he let out a deep sigh.

 

“Thank you.” He replied. “I...” Jongin took a deep breath, clearly steeling himself too. “I know I haven’t been the best at telling you how I feel, but if I’m to be honest I felt as if it was all in my head because of how we were talking about things. Or weren’t talking about them.”

 

Kyungsoo nodded, holding back the urge to defend himself. Jongin was opening up, which was good. He needed this and Kyungsoo needed to be supportive. This wasn’t Jongin telling him he was a poor husband. This was the two of them talking it through. But Kyungsoo had never been the best at handling criticism, of any kind.

 

“Kyungsoo.” Jongin said with a small sigh, rubbing a thumb over his hip. “Thank you for contacting a counsellor.”

 

Kyungsoo looked up, not at all expecting that.

 

“But...I thought- you sounded upset by it last time we...” He trailed off, frowning at Jongin.

  
“I was. I would have rather you told me that you struggled. Or that I would have told you I struggled. But I don’t think we would have made the progress we have unless you had. And I know it took a lot of courage on your part to even admit we were struggling as much as we were, are. So, thank you for still believing in us.” Jongin explained, looking down at Kyungsoo with soft eyes.

 

Kyungsoo felt his throat constrict, his eyes blinking rapidly as he broke eye contact. He didn’t know why he suddenly felt so emotional, but something in Jongin’s voice and eyes had made all the feelings he had pushed back bubble up to the surface.

 

“Don’t cry.” Jongin laughed, slowly rocking him back and forth. Kyungsoo punched him in the thigh, swallowing thickly as he tried to find his voice.

 

“I just feel bad over how close I got to ruining it all because I’m such a stubborn idiot.” He said, pointedly ignoring how his voice cracked in the middle.  

 

“Hey now.” Jongin’s hand landed on his chin, making him meet his husband’s eyes. “We’re both the stubborn idiot here, I won’t let you claim that title for yourself.” Jongin said and Kyungsoo felt a laugh bubble out of him, closing his eyes as he pressed back into Jongin’s hand.

 

“But seriously Kyungsoo, we’re both to blame here. I could have done things better. You could have done things better. The important thing is that we are working on right now, and it’s getting better. So please don’t blame yourself. I promise I’ll tell you if you’re shutting me out again.” Jongin spoke softly and Kyungsoo nodded, keeping himself pressed close to Jongin.

 

“I promise I will listen better, and that I won’t hide my feelings and worries.” Kyungsoo said, forcing himself to look into Jongin’s eyes as he spoke. Jongin nodded at him again, a silent thank you.

 

Slowly their cart rose, giving them a breath-taking view of a bustling Seoul. Kyungsoo snuggled in closer to Jongin, allowing his husband to rest a hand on his thigh as the two of them watched the cars buzz down the streets beneath them.

 

Up here, suspended above it all, it almost felt as if they weren’t a part of it all, as if they existed in their own little universe where the only thing was that mattered was the two of them. He used to feel like that in the beginning too, for a long time actually, but at some point that feeling had been lost. Kyungsoo promised himself he would never lose it again.

 

“Remember the last date we had here?” Jongin asked. Kyungsoo shook his head. “It was during our finals. We were both stressed out of our minds and we fought over the stupidest things. So I pulled you out of the flat and dragged you here so we could both just destress.”

 

A beat of silence followed.

 

“Everything was so much better between us after that.” Kyungsoo said, turning his head to look at Jongin and finding the other already looking at him. Slowly, Jongin bent down to press his lips against Kyungsoo’s, his hand travelling up his back and landing on the nape of his neck.

 

“Let’s return to that too.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not pictured in the chapter: Jongin and Kyungsoo asked a couple to take their picture in front of the roller coasters again, and they published it to their instagram along with the pictures and videos they took during snack time and the original photo. 
> 
> Also, the roller coaster they go on is inspired by one called insane at my local amusement park. It's my faviourite, but it's not for the faint of heart. [Here](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uTXdHs61hYI) is a video of it. 
> 
> Thank you all for reading! I promise I will return with the final chapter as quickly as I can! <3<3<3


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello. Finally, the promised last chapter arrives. Late as always I appologize but I hope that the chapter will satisfy! I am really happy with how it turned out :3 So, thank you everyone who's patiently waited and supported this story! And thank you Feddi for inspiring it <3

 

Kyungsoo slowly turned into the small parking lot, scanning the area for any place where he could park. He wasn’t too keen on going back out on the road, especially considering Jongin in the passenger seat next to him had only just let go of the ceiling handle.

 

He stretched up in his seat, craning his neck as he looked for any place to park the car. There were some spaces here and there, but all of them required parking skill, which Kyungsoo had none of. He braced against the steering wheel, raising himself up out of his seat and silently cursing Jongin for buying such a low riding car.

 

“Soo. Babe? Soo, Soo, Soo! Kyungsoo! KYUNGSOO STOP!”

 

The steering wheel was roughly yanked to the side, the car coming to a sudden stop as Jongin pulled the handbrake. Kyungsoo jumped, quickly turning towards his husband with raised eyebrows.

 

Jongin met his eyes head on, slowly raising his eyebrows in return before looking over to their right. Kyungsoo followed his eyes, seeing a parked car just inches away from the front bumper of their car. He felt himself colouring, quickly looking back down and sinking into his seat.

 

“You want me to park the car?” Jongin asked, reaching out to place a gentle hand on Kyungsoo’s thigh. Kyungsoo sighed, knowing it was probably for the best but not wanting to admit it.

 

“You weren’t supposed to have to do anything tonight.” Kyungsoo said with a sigh as he unbuckled his belt. He had long since given up any pride he had over driving. The fact that he had even gotten a driver’s license at all was a miracle.

 

“You know I don’t mind.” Jongin said, pulling Kyungsoo close and planting a quick kiss on his lips before exiting his seat.

 

Kyungsoo stayed outside the car as Jongin quickly and easily maneuvered the car into a parking space and exited with a self-assured smile. Kyungsoo rolled his eyes at the sight, stepping up and yanking the car keys out of Jongin’s hands before turning and walking down towards the street.

 

He could hear Jongin jog up behind him, his husband’s hand catching hold of his own with a giggle before Jongin fell in step with him. Kyungsoo took a step closer to him, still keeping silent as he let his eyes roam down the streets.

 

“These are our old uni neighbourhoods.” Jongin mused, turning his head as he took in the buildings surrounding them. The area was full of high-rises, tall buildings stretching up towards the sky. The buildings housed mostly flats, but at the bottom floors there were restaurants, convenience stores, shops and whatever else one could need.

 

Kyungsoo felt himself frown as he took in the sight of the facades around him. He had known that the area hadn’t been the nicest back when he used to live here, but he hadn’t thought it was this shabby. He really hoped the place he had planned for them hadn’t gotten as run down as the buildings.

 

“You’re awfully quiet today.” Jongin continued next to him when it became clear Kyungsoo would neither confirm nor deny his previous statement. “Awfully secretive.” Jongin’s elbow nudged him in the side but Kyungsoo refused to look at him, instead keeping an eye out for their next turn.

 

“It’s almost as if this is a date, and not you wanting company to go look for a new work shirt.” Jongin added after a beat and Kyungsoo froze, his ears immediately growing hot.

 

“Shut up.” He grumbled, elbowing Jongin harshly in the side. It was supposed to be a surprise but of course Jongin was too curious for his own good. “What gave it away?” He asked.

 

“Aside from you insisting on driving and taking us to an area without any Uniqlo? You wanting company while shopping. You’ve always hated people who ‘dilly-dally’ while shopping, and I’m a ‘dilly-dallyer’.” Jongin replied with another smug smile and Kyungsoo rolled his eyes. “Also, I can tell when you’re keeping secrets from me.” Jongin added.

 

“Why didn’t you say anything earlier?” Kyungsoo asked, pulling Jongin along with him into a left turn and a small street. Unlike the street they had first been on this one was almost empty of people.

 

“Because I was trying to figure out what date we’re returning to.” Jongin replied, looking just as pensive now as earlier. Kyungsoo held back a smile.

 

“How are you so sure this is a return date?” Kyungsoo asked. “We’ve been meeting with Doctor Kim for almost three months now. Don’t you think it’s time we start going on new dates too?”

 

Their sessions with their counsellor were going well. After their first time they had fought the illusion that had lingered between them had slowly started dissipating. For the most part it had been good, the two of them finally opening up, but inevitably there had been more issues brought to light.

 

Kyungsoo remembered one particular counselling session where the both of them had ended up screaming. Jongin because he felt as if he was the one bringing the issues into the relationship for bringing them up, and Kyungsoo because he felt as if Jongin was blaming him for not being able to talk about his issues.

 

Doctor Kim had thankfully been able to calm them both before things got out of hand, and had correctly pointed out they both had horrible communication skills. That still stung a little bit to hear, but Kyungsoo had to admit it was completely correct. They both needed to open up and deal with their problems and to stop being afraid of disagreements. Disagreements weren’t inherently bad. What mattered was how you dealt with them.

 

But both of them had always been stubborn and prideful, so the journey they had in front of them was long. Thankfully, Kyungsoo couldn’t think of anyone better to share it with than Jongin.

 

“So, this is a new date?” Jongin asked as they turned into yet another street, a few indie shops and a handful of restaurants appearing in front of them. Kyungsoo looked over at his husband, raising an eyebrow and bursting out laughing as Jongin returned it with an unimpressed stare.

 

“See for yourself.” Kyungsoo replied, gesturing for Jongin to enter one of the small bars with a nervous smile.

 

* * *

 

 

Jongin slowly pushed the pearl curtain shielding the entrance aside, confusion filling him as he took in the restaurant. It was a small bar, only room for a few tables and seats by the bar disk. The area around them was gloomy, lit by the red light of paper lanterns and the small amount of sunlight that trickled in through the windows.

 

Jongin turned, taking in the white walls and open kitchen behind the bar. Something about it all was itching the back of his mind, making him frown as he took yet another step inside the restaurant. He drew in a deep breath, almost turning around to ask Kyungsoo where they were when all at once it hit him.

 

This was _the_ bar. The one they had gone too so many times back in university. It had been Yixing who had found it, loving the authentic Chinese cuisine it was offering, and the group had spent many long nights here, drinking themselves drunk off of soju and eating until they couldn’t eat anymore.

 

But most importantly, this was the place where Jongin considered their very first date having taken place. It hadn’t been anything grand, they hadn’t even confessed at the time. They had just gone out as two friends, but it had been in that moment Jongin had known that no matter what, Kyungsoo was the one he wanted to spend his life with.

 

He had thought that night had only been that special to him but standing here, Kyungsoo by his side, it was clear the place held an important place in both of their hearts.

 

“I-” Kyungsoo begun and Jongin slowly turned to look at him, taking in the red ears and shy eyes. The other had dressed up, he realized now, with a white pinstripe shirt and a pair of grey khaki pants. He looked just as handsome as he had done back them with his black skinny jeans and oversized band shirts.

 

“This was where we had our first date.” Jongin said, breathless. Kyungsoo looked up, his eyes widening as he met Jongin’s gaze.

 

“Yes.” He replied, a smile growing on his lips. “I- I didn’t think you would remember.” He added, voice shocked. Jongin took a step forward, cupping Kyungsoo’s face as he looked down at his husband with loving eyes.

 

“How could I ever forget?” Jongin whispered, pressing his lips gently to Kyungsoo’s. Kyungsoo’s hands landed on his hips, pulling him close as happy smiles broke out on both of their lips. They settled for rubbing their noses together instead, foreheads resting against one another’s.

 

Kyungsoo pulled away a moment later, ears still tomato red as he fiddled with his shirt sleeves. He had always felt embarrassed at excessive pda, something Jongin had loved to tease him with when they had just started dating. He smiled down at his husband as the other pulled them over to one of the tables in the corner of the restaurant, their old table, and sat back down.

 

Unlike the two of them, not much had change with the restaurant. The graphite board still displayed the same specials, the table still had Chanyeol’s old phone number etched into it from that night they had gone drinking to help him with his breakup, the chef, a man with tattoos and a missing little finger on his left hand, still gave Jongin as much the creeps as he did back then. It was like coming back home after a long, tiring semester and finding your old bedroom looking exactly the same as when you had left it.

 

“They still have those bread dumplings.” Kyungsoo said excitedly next to him, pushing up his glasses on his nose and smudging the lens. Jongin felt his heart clench at the sight, remembering watching the very same man years ago get excited over the simple treat. Kyungsoo, the love of his life, who felt just as right, as amazing, as exciting and completing as he had done that night. Still the only person out of 7 billion that Jongin wanted to spend every single moment of every single day with. The only person he wanted to grow old with, who he would go through hell and heaven for, who he would lay down his life for. He was still here, and he was still truly and completely his.

 

Jongin sniffed, hiding his teary eyes behind the menu as he tried to get himself back under control again. He had hated sappy people like this in his youth, and here he was, crying over how beautiful Kyungsoo looked in a boring pinstripe shirt and teacher glasses.

 

“Jongin?” Kyungsoo asked from opposite him, big eyes wide and worried. “Is something wrong?”

 

“No.” Jongin sniffed, grabbing a napkin, the same cheap kind that the restaurant had always carried, and wiped his tears away. “I just... I just love you so fucking much.” He said, bursting out into a wet laugh over how ridiculous the whole situation was.

 

Kyungsoo joined in in the laugh, reaching out to place a hand on top of Jongin’s and gently rubbing it with his thumb.

  
“I love you too, you big cry-baby.” Kyungsoo smiled, eyes gentle as they met with Jongin’s. “But please don’t cry. Now is not the time for tears.” He added with a scrunch of his nose and Jongin laughed again, shaking his head to get himself back under control.

 

The food was just as delicious as it had been back in university. As had been tradition, they ordered far too much food and drink for the two of them. Between the two of them they got a cold noodle dish Yixing had always ordered, a stir fry and a hefty portion of soup dumplings, while Jongin got some fried chicken for himself and after some encouragement that Jongin loved Kyungsoo’s love handles and chubby cheeks Kyungsoo ordered two bread dumplings full of pork for himself.

 

And two bottles of Soju, that turned into three, that turned into four.

 

The conversation flowed easily between them, just like Jongin remembered, and this time it felt like it would last. They talked about everything, about how work was and how stressful it was, how Kyungsoo wanted to reorganize their wardrobe and laundry system, how Jongin wanted to look for dance classes at his local gym, how cute the neighbour’s toddler was, how much they loved dogs, how absorbed Kyungsoo could get in cooking shows, how sexy Jongin was when he dance while he vacuumed, how Kyungsoo looked like a baozi himself with his cheeks stuffed full of them, how a fifth bottle of soju would be too much but they might as well.

 

The hours flowed past, drowned in happy laughs and loving looks shared between them. The late afternoon turned into evening and then early night, the golden light of the sun being replaced by the warm light of red paper lanterns. The red blush colouring Kyungsoo’s ears turned into the rosy colour of tipsiness, his full cheeks bunched up into a happy smile as he animatedly talked about his favourite tennis anime. And, not for the first time that night, the love Jongin felt in his heart overflowed and he just had to lean over the table and place a kiss to Kyungsoo’s full lips.

 

After a shot each of the fifth soju bottle they both decided they had had enough and got up on unsteady legs, arms wrapped around each other as Kyungsoo paid. Together they walked out into the night, the air around them still warm despite autumn drawing closer with each day.

 

Jongin smiled, looking up at the starry night sky and then back to Kyungsoo.

 

“You have stars on your cheek.” He said, sweeping a thumb over the faint freckles that sometimes coloured his cheeks during the summer. Kyungsoo clumsily swatted his hand away, shaking his head.

 

“You’re drunk.” He said, rolling both his eyes and entire head before they landed on Jongin in a half assed glare. Jongin laughed, pulling Kyungsoo closer as they walked towards the main street. They had to find a cab, neither of them were in any condition to drive.

 

As they passed another bar a slow song drifted out into the street, a song Jongin recognized from that old girl group Chanyeol had hyper fixated on for a year back in their freshman year. He liked this tune. He changed his grip on Kyungsoo’s middle, moving him so they were standing face to face before starting to sway in tune with the song.

 

“What are you doing?” Kyungsoo asked, securing his hands on Jongin’s shoulders as they clumsily twirled once.

 

“Dancing.” Jongin replied, using his hands to make Kyungsoo move his sexy hips.

 

“You’re crazy.” Kyungsoo laughed, not making any move to stop dancing.

 

“Crazy in love with you~.” Jongin replied, singing the last word in tune with the song. Kyungsoo laughed again, pressing his cheek against Jongin’s chest as the two of them continued to slow dance in the middle of the street.

 

“Jongin.” Kyungsoo said against his chest, words muffled either by Jongin’s shirt or drunkenness, Jongin didn’t care. “I know you already figured out the surprise that that bar was where we had our first date, even if we weren’t dating, but I want to tell you something.”

 

Jongin hummed, slowing their dancing to a gentle sway and looking down at Kyungsoo. Kyungsoo was still burying himself in Jongin’s chest, cheeks squished and lips pulled up into a small smile.

 

“Back then, on our first date, I knew you were the one I wanted to spend my life with. I just knew it, in my heart, and despite everything that has happened that feeling hasn’t changed. Today, when we came back and sat at that table again and ate that same food the same feeling washed over me.” Kyungsoo stopped, biting his lip as his eyes slowly grew glossy. When he started talking again his voice was wobbly.

 

“It was as if we never had any problems. I felt comfortable with myself, because I knew that no matter what we were meant to be together. I felt, feel, like I can take on anything for you. I could move a mountain for you if that’s what it takes to make sure every day feels like today. I love you more than anyone in the entire universe and with every passing second my love for you grows. It sounds scary now that I say it, but it only feels exciting because I know that I get to share it with you. Does that make sense?” He frowned, looking up at Jongin.

 

Jongin nodded, cheeks hurting from how hard he was smiling. He bent down, ready to place another kiss on Kyungsoo’s lips.

 

“I want to promise you something!” Kyungsoo rushed out, aborting the kiss. Jongin stopped, eyes growing wide. “Or, I want us to promise each other something.” He added, still looking into Jongin’s eyes. He was searching for something, for support, and Jongin gave it wholeheartedly with another smile and a gentle nod.

  
“I want to marry you. Again. I want to renew our vows and promise each other that from now on, no more secrets. I want to promise you I will never shut you out again, and that I won’t be all stupid and secretive and make you feel like you can’t talk about how you feel.” Kyungsoo rushed out, hands travelling up Jongin’s shoulders until they hugged him around the neck. Kyungsoo’s eyes were locked with his, open and honest and Jongin could feel his chest grow tight again, the love inside him spilling out through the corners of his eyes.

 

“You don’t have to promise me that. I already know it.” He said, smiling down at his husband who shook his head.

 

“But I want the world to know it too! I want everyone to know that even though I’ve grown fat and you’re growing bald we both love each other and that nothing can never break that.” Kyungsoo insisted, eyes urgent as they locked on to Jongin’s.

 

“You’re not fat.” Jongin said softly, giving Kyungsoo’s middle a hug.

 

“I am, but it doesn’t matter, because I know you love me. And I know I love you.” Kyungsoo said with a shake of his head and Jongin heard himself laugh, tears running down his cheeks as Kyungsoo pushed up on the tips of his toes to press a deep kiss on his lips, sealing the promise between the two of them.

 

That night, in the middle of the night, in a dodgy backstreet between the thick smell of grease wafting out from another late-night restaurant and the grating sound of another pop tune Kyungsoo and Jongin fiddled with a small gashapon machine, feeding it 1000 won each and receiving a pair of plastic rings with bears and penguins printed on them. The very same rings that, a year later, the two of them exchanged in front of friends and family as they promised each other that no matter how hard things got, they would always have each other.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all so much for reading! A comment telling me how you feel about the story or a kudos to show your appreciation would be most kind <3

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! If you liked my story, please consider leaving a Kudos or Comment, I really appreciate them all! <3
> 
> Also, feel free to check me out on twitter: @SooSooDyo


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